Duck life

New blog!

2009-12-10T20:58:00.000Z

Dude, it's HERE.

Abandon ship!/The end.

2009-11-29T13:59:00.003Z

Who didn't see this coming? Hands up.

I've been really useless at updating this blog and I've not even had it for a year. In the interest of continuing to blog because I genuinely do love it, I'm going to blame my inadequacy on the blog itself and attempt to do a new one in which I'm required to blog a certain number of times a week, maybe even every day! I know, I'm ridiculous.
I really hope some of you'll come with me on my new adventures, though I will understand if you don't. It's been so lovely meeting you all and you've been so nice to me. I'm not sure whether I'll delete this blog or leave it up as a war memorial of sorts, either way, I'll post the link to the new 'un as soon as I've started it.

This is actually sad! I didn't expect to feel like I was leaving something behind. I guess I got more attached than I'd realised. You're all incredible, beautiful people and if I don't get to 'see' you again, you've got to know how much I've appreciated your kindness, your input and your...honestly, your insane ability to keep me safe when I, and people in my real life fail to do such things.

Thank you all. You are so loved.

xx

Slutty zombies, sweets and sorries.

2009-10-28T20:01:00.005Z

The Halloweeney Version of Thursday Thunks

Welcome to the October almost Halloweenth version of Thursday Thunks!

(which we always seem to post on Wednesday)
Where we make you think a little bit before you blog!

We pick a subject, and your job is to interpret it anyway you want. Write about it on your blog... simple as that. Maybe you can interpret it as a picture - we don't care!

Please only leave a link if you have written a Thursday Thunks post. Please mention us in your post, and link back to the blog here.
Don't forget to go visit the other participants' blogs. Read and comment about all their Thursday Thunks! Thats what all this is about afterall, isn't it? We'll have so much fun and become lifelong friends....

This week we will answer some crazy questions brought to you by Berleen, the color Blood red and the number 31.

1. So Halloween is this weekend, if you haven't heard. Are you gonna open your doors up or not?

I'm not actually home, I'm going to a gig dressed as a really hot (read as 'slutty') zombie. I've not yet got my face paint or my artfully ripped clothes so I may just have to go as me. My mum won't open the door though. She's...she's a grownup Asian. They don't believe in fun. (I'm allowed to say this, one day I'LL be this.)

2. You better open 'em cuz I'm coming... what are you putting in my treat bag?

So many cock jokes! I'm currently on a diet. Why for? Who knows. But if I don't get sweeties, YOU don't get sweeties. It's the LAW.

3. Since October is the bestest month for television (well for cable & dish subscribers it is) and there is a horror movie on at any given time of the day - are you sick of them yet?

We've not really got such things happening on this end of the Atlantic, but I could watch crap horror movies till the cows came home so I guess not. Also, when ARE the cows coming home? I told them they were to be home by 4, I'm making a special dinner I said, I told them they'd get into SERIOUS trouble if they came stumbling in late but it's 8.06pm and I'm just sitting here, waiting and blogging. Jesus, cows. JESUS.

4. Which one of those movies can you watch over & over again?

I know it's plebby, but I love the Final Destination movies. I've seen the first three and I think they're really fun. Plus you know, there's always someone hot to perv on and ultimately laugh when they die... Yeah.

5. Tell us about a Halloween scare you've had....

Wasn't it around Halloween when I thought I was pregnant? LOL. I'm so kidding. I AM. God, you're sarky for ages and ages and then no-one believes anything you say. I'M NOT PREGNANT. We don't do enough Halloween stuff over here. It's nowhere near as big a deal over here and I really wish it was.

6. Did you watch the old Casper cartoons when you were a youngin? Well, back then they weren't old I suppose, but I'm sure you still understand my question.

I think they predate me, but I did end up youtubing them a few years ago and the one with the fox is LOVE.

7. Have you ever found a four-leaf clover?

No, but as long as bunnies have feet, we'll be fine.

8. Haunted Houses... you know, the kinds you pay to get in and they chase you with chainsaws and severed heads.... do you like 'em?

Why don't WE HAVE SUCH THINGS? That sounds effing awesome! Although, I am the biggest of fucking wusses, so I'd probably end up being led around by someone with strong arms while I close my eyes so hard that my face goes all wrong.

9. Do you use cute cartoon type wrapping paper for Christmas presents or the not cutesy paper? Or are you one of those gift card and/or gift bag people?

Not cutesy. Either shiny shiny stuff or traditional Christmassy tings. OR Winnie the Pooh with Christmas hats. Wait, scratch all the first stuff, Winnie the Pooh. FOR LIFE. Pooh life.

10. How long do boiled eggs need to stay in the boiling water before they become hard boiled eggs?

5 minutes? I don't know. This sounds like a cooking question. I can oven my pizza and I can mix slightly too strong drinks. I feel these skills will serve me well.

11. Jason is coming in through your front door... Freddy is coming through your back door... zombies are at every window of the house and Norman Bates is calling to invite you to dinner... what do you do?

You know, I'd probably Tweet about it.

12. Did you know that the scariest part of Halloween is giving all of your Reeses Peanut Butter Cups away?

I did know that. I'm so glad I discovered those little cups of love. They make up for the failures in my life.

13a. If you were to play a part of a haunted house (not the ghosts in the attic kind), what would you want to be?

Vampire bride? Vampire commitment phobe? Yes.

13b. Have you ever played a part in a haunted house?

No. Thanks. Now I feel like a LOSER.

14. If Thursday Thunks had a Halloween party, what do you think Kimber & Berleen would come dressed as?

Slutty nurses. For sure.

15. Do you cook a turkey for Thanksgiving?

I didn't. I gives thanks for nothing. What an ingrate...

16. Have you ever read a book that scared the pants off of you?

This'll hurt my credibility in a big way, but Heart Shaped Box by Joe Hill really frightened me. I think it might have been my frame of mind at the time, but I really enjoyed it and it properly scared me.

17. Whats the predicted high temperature for today?

Lemme check. 17° C. Fuck's sake. I was being properly funny for a bit and then you go and ask me actual questions.

18. Have you ever howled at the moon?

Yes. Much times.

19.You are in an alley and a werewolf and a vampire are coming at you - one of them has to win. Which one do you want to bite you?

Vampire. I have enough body hair issues without freaking lycanthropy. Epilating that shit would hurt like a motherfucker. Look! Two swears in a sentence! I am the winner of Thursday Thunks! Yay!!! You have to give me all of the sweets now =)

xoxoxoxoxo

(Sorry for all the whining and lack of memeing. We are working to rectify this.)

The world's stupidest ever blog post.

2009-10-07T22:48:00.001+01:00

I'm about to get really emo. Which is sad because let's be honest, I'm generally fucking hilarious. No, really, if whining, whingey girly crap turns you off, don't read this. I wouldn't. I'm going to be ridiculous. Hopefully, in a few hours, I'll see sense and delete it. So you know, take your time checking your blogs.

Those of you who read this blog even semi-regularly know that I don't edit. I'm not good at it. And this is the only place I'm ever completely honest. So here goes it.

I'm writing this post because my life feels messed up beyond repair, and I can't think of a single friend I want to talk to about it. That's a lie. I can't think of any friend who'd want to hear it. My oldest friend, is so entirely horribly busy with his new job that I wouldn't even consider laying this on him. The other person I'd consider talking to about this is...out of bounds right now, and I feel like I may have fucked that friendship up. That's a problem. If I'm only ever honest with one person in my life and I can't even talk to them? What have I been doing with my life? I have people to go out with, people to drink with, people to date if I so wish but no-one to talk to? What kind of a dick does that make me? I'm like, the go-to friend if anyone has a problem but...where do I go? Do doctors have doctors?

Speaking of doctors. It's been brought to my attention, repeatedly over the past year, I guess, that I should consider talking to someone about my mental health. A surprising number of the people who meet and spend any time with me mention the 'bipolar' thing. And like, they're British, they're not supposed to admit that people have mental problems. When I brought this up on Twitter (as you do) someone who's already made a great impact on my life got into great detail with me about it, and recognised a whole bunch of themselves in me. In fact, wait, let me tell you a couple of stories.

One happened just before the weekend. We've had people in the house, building things, painting things, generally making it difficult for me to pee or sleep. Friday morning, we realised that due to some random thing that one of said painters did, our living room door had wedged itself shut. There was nothing particularly important in the room, other than my laptop and the TV. If you can't live without those things for a couple of days, you've got to start worrying a little bit about your life. Anyway, I was fine with it. It was Friday. End of the week! I got PAID on Thursday, first proper payslip ever. I was properly happy, almost giddy and excited. I was seeing friends at the weekend, there wasn't very much bad at all.
Anyway, (bloody hell, are you even still there?), I got home. Still mental, completely giddy, running up and down the stairs, peeing, doing all my 'It's the fucking weekend' type things and then I see the door. Now, I've seen already, it's unavoidable walking into the house. But it suddenly occurs to me, 'wait, there's a door. In MY house. And I can't open it. What. The. Fuck?' It also occurs to me that it's my fault that this door is locked. I went to bed early the night before so my mum pulled it shut, I'm not sure why. Anyway, had I been in the living room she wouldn't have done it. Right, so I start kicking this door. It's solid wood, the 6 and a half foot guy, maybe 20 stone guy who lives in our house couldn't even make it wobble and I, 5 foot, 8 stone of uncoordinated nothing am beating up on this door with everything, literally all the strength I have, completely convinced that I can open it. Anyway, terrified for my health, my mum eventually said 'You can't open it.' I completely broke down, ran up to bed and sobbed into my pillow till it was more snot than...whatever the fuck pillows are made of nowadays, and my throat had closed up. Eventually I went back to try and kick the fucking door down again. This time I was throwing myself bodily at the door, bashing it with my shoulder, three days later I was still bruised, it still hurt like hell. And I couldn't care less, I just NEEDED to open the door. Not to get in, just to open the door. I knew how ridiculous it was, I just couldn't care less.
I went to sleep at about 7.30pm that day and woke up at 9 the next day. I didn't even know humans could sleep that long.

Second incident, literally just ended. My mum picks me up from the train station when I get back from work and it's been pouring with rain all day. Long story short (I know, I know, why didn't I fucking think of that before?)a bunch of leaves got under the bonnet of the car and somehow that made the entire passenger side flood. How? Who knows? Anyway, she got stuck on a side street with a completely misted up car and couldn't see for shit. Again, my fault. What I'd not realised till today is that there's a bus that'd get me almost all the way home in about 15 minutes if I'd just bother to walk a hundred metres. So my poor mum, gets stuck in a wet car for like, an hour and a half in the rain while I'm home talking to the fucking AA (roadside assistance, not the alcoholics). When she got home she got me to sit in the car with the heater on full blast while she got ready for work, and I'll be honest, engine running, seeing the house I'm starting to properly hate right in front of me, more than one time I seriously considered backing up and ramming the car really hard into the house's stupid bastard face.
I'm not going to go any further but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't worried about myself.

How...to end this on a positive note...I don't know how many people who are on Twitter read this blog, I know Chris and now Aaron do, but I hope that at least a couple of others see this bit of the post, having skipped the early bit, obviously. I've gotten through some of the most depressing days with the help of random people on Twitter. And on rough days in the past the people (Bud, Mark) who read this blog have really helped me out. Just acknowledging that I exist would be enough and then you're all really nice to me, comforting and complimentary and generally just, sweet. There's no way of telling you how much I appreciate it, but please know that I do.

This post will self-destruct in 3...2...*boom*.

And then she manages to get herself locked out of her own blog...

2009-10-04T15:07:00.002+01:00

What a twat.

Part 1?! The fuuuck?!

2009-09-13T00:15:00.004+01:00

One Long Meme (Part One)

Welcome back to Sunday Stealing. Here we will steal all types of memes from every corner of the blogosphere. Our promise to you is that we will work hard to find the most interesting and intelligent memes. You may have heard of the expression, “honor amongst thieves”. In that age-old tradition, we also have our rules. First, we always credit the blog that we stole it from and we will “fess up” to the blog owner where we stole the meme. We also provide a link to the victim's post. (It's our way of saying "Thanks!") We do sometimes edit the original meme, usually to make it more relevant to our global players, to challenge our players, sometimes to select that meme's best questions, or simply to make it less repetitive from either this new meme or recently asked questions from a prior featured meme. Let's go!

Today we ripped this meme off a blogger called Yellow Jacket from Foma. He explains that "I found this clunker on Impetua's blog.". But, it was probably stolen at that blog as well. So, of course, that will be as far as we go. Tracing back our theft's thieves might take some time. Link back to us at Sunday Stealing!

1. The phone rings. Who will it to be?

Who willed it to be? God, or one of the lesser elves, I wager.

2. When shopping at the grocery store, do you return your cart?

I didn't buy it. I ain't no thief. Fuck you and your implications.

3. In a social setting, are you more of a talker or a listener?

Listener. When I talk, eyes widen, fingers twitch and feet move further and further away.

4. Do you take compliments well?

No. I go red. Which, I'm sure you'll understand, is particularly uncomfortable for a brown person. Then I have to run away. You nice fuckers, making me put on shoes and clothes. Damn you all.

5. Do you play Sudoku?

I don't. I never understood the fascination. Even my mum loves it. I thought it'd disappear, like Tamagotchis or yo-yos but the people in my train just keep putting in those numbers. It's like they can't get enough of that data entry. But then, I guess, that's my job, they probably have marketable skills. All together now...*SIGH*.

6. If abandoned alone in the wilderness, would you survive?

Yes. I base this solely on the fact that I fit quite well into small spaces. However, if I had to run away from a bear or a leopard I would die very quickly.

7. Did you ever go to camp as a kid?

No.

8. What was your favorite game as a kid?

Being the pink Power Ranger. PTERODACTYL!

9. If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew she was married, would you?

I'm not officially so inclined but either way, no.

10. Could you date someone with different religious beliefs than you?

I don't know. I think it'd be difficult. Simply because I don't believe in God and the other person by definition, would. I think it'd be too hard.

11. Do you like to pursue or be pursued?

Stop fucking chasing me. It's not funny anymore.

12. Use three words to describe yourself?

I like dinosaurs.

13. Do any songs make you cry?

Quite a few, A Place Called Home by Kim Richey comes to mind.

14. Are you continuing your education?

Fuck no. I continued education and now I'm out. Now I only learn from life.

15. Do you know how to shoot a gun?

No. ...No.

16. Have you ever taken pictures in a photo booth?

Only passport pictures. Nothing fun.

17. How often do you read books?

As often as possible, although I've really gotten into audiobooks over the past year. You can walk around while people tell you stories. It's amazing!

18. Do you think more about the past, present or future?

I don't really...think. Right now though, present. And some future. The past has been weighing on me for far too long, I think it's time to start letting go.

19. What is your favorite children’s book?

There's this Paddington Bear omnibus (how wonderful is that word?)that I particularly love.

20.What color are your eyes?

Brown. I'm fascinating.

21. How tall are you?

Somewhere in between 5'0 and 5'2. I tried to measure myself a couple of times but I kept tripping over the tape and falling down. The universe doesn't want me to know. I'm sure it has its reasons.

22. Where is your dream house located?

I don't have a dream house. This'd be a really difficult question for Barbie.

23. If your house was on fire, what would be the first thing you grabbed?

There's a photo of my mum, my dad and I when I was a baby that hangs on my bedroom wall.

24. When was the last time you were at Olive Garden?

You seem certain that I've been there before, so I guess, in a previous life? Astral projection of some sort? What have you been doing to me in my sleep? I knew I wasn't wearing that dress when I went to bed. Fuck you. Fucking stalker moving me around when I'm unconcious I'm not even a deep sleeper drugging me you've been drugging me haven't you motherfucker.

25. Where was the furthest place you traveled today?

From my bed to the couch. Ah, I sound like a loser.

26. Do you like mustard?

Not particularly. It does that thing where it burns like your nose hairs are on fire in your head? Not into that.

Making patterns with words.

2009-09-12T20:48:00.001+01:00

I feel like I've been neglecting everything in the world since starting this temp job of mine. It's not a difficult job by any definition, but the commute and the rigor of actual working hours are (is? I can't figure out the grammar. Help me.) definitely getting to me. I was hoping to get into some sort of pattern, to get used to building my regular life around losing 11 or 12 previously empty hours, since I will probably spend the rest of my life working regular hours while striving toward the 'other things' I want to somehow acheive. Instead I've written nothing, drawn nothing, not really even come up with any ideas for anything , have lost all my muscle tone and haven't even been out with my friends. Also, I'm watching the fucking X-Factor. What the fuck is wrong with me?
The job, as far as I know, ends at the end of this month and after that I go back to doing the odd day of selling to fund my underwear habit.
Anyway, point being, I know you all have jobs or take care of your children which let's be honest, is a full time job. I suck at multi-tasking. Teach thy padawan, how do you do it? I can barely walk and talk. I need help. Help, oh blogverse. Please help.

Like a pigeon on a stick.

2009-09-10T19:04:00.005+01:00

1. A 90 year old man's dying wish in South Carolina was to be buried in his car. If you were told tomorrow you have 3 weeks to live, would you have any dying wishes or something special done before you died?

Give all my bits away if they still work and someone needs them. Don't go crazy with the makeup. I'm dead, I'm not ugly. I kind of want to say cover me in Jack and set me on fire but I don't think I really want that, it just sounds really cool. Just whiskey and CCCCCRRRRKKKWWWWSSSHHHHHHH (that's the sound fire makes, innit.).

2. Do you pay for more stuff using a credit/debit card or cold hard cash?

Debit card, I think. I don't have a credit card, I do plan on living my life without one but my plans suck.

3. What's cuter- a baby lizard or a baby snake?

I do not know. Babies frighten me in general, I answer, none of the above, thank you please.

4. You go out to eat by yourself at a restaurant. While waiting for your food do you people watch & eavesdrop on others conversations, read a book, use a laptop or chat with people around you?

I'll probably listen to an audiobook and text Twitter about how much of a loser I feel. God, my life, why...oh why?

5. If you see someone walking around with toilet paper stuck to their shoe, do you tell them or just laugh?

How does this happen? I actually don't understand the physics. I'd probably tell them. I think. I wouldn't laugh. I might pretend not to notice. Ah, indeed, I am British after all, I'd pretend nothing bad was happening and balance a book on my face.

6. You are talking to someone you just met but you can't understand them at all because of their accent. Do you tell them you can't understand them or just smile and nod?

There's a rule, right? You're allowed to ask for three repeats and then you smile and nod. However, what you can do instead, is pretend to be crazy (or actually be crazy, that works too) and then they stop talking very, very quickly. Try it, it's fun.

7. Mudfest! Park filled with pools of mud and an obstacle course of mud. Do you go and play in the mud?

Fuck yeah. What are you, insane? There are people who wouldn't?! Madness. And they call me crazy...

8. Have you ever had a headache so bad it effected your vision?

Yes. Next question.

9. Would you fit in more with the circus, Hollywood, Broadway, or comedy circuit types?

Comedy circuit, innit. Circus has clowns, Hollywood requires makeup and Broadway requires you to speak loudly and pretend things.

I was so sure I could incorporate something about a pigeon into the post. Sigh. For a return to actually blogging this has been pretty lame. I apologise from my mouth. Sunday'll be funnier. I hope. Oh, how I hope.

Eep.

2009-09-02T21:12:00.001+01:00

I actually suck at blogging. I love it, but it requires attention and commitment, neither of which I'm good at. I'm trying harder starting...now. Seriously.

#welovetheNHS

2009-08-13T05:41:00.005+01:00

It's almost 5am. I am awake and I am thinking about national healthcare. I may well be turning into a grownup.

Today (well, yesterday, but who's really listening to me?) a massive 'thing' started on Twitter. Thousands of us Brits, and some others, have been saying #welovetheNHS.

I'll be honest, right here and now. I'm not going to do any research before I write this post. I could, I'm on my computer, it wouldn't take a lot for me to find and verify a few facts, but that's not what this is about. What I'm going to do is draw on every #welovetheNHS, both positive and negative, that I've seen over the past 24 hours on Twitter and my 22 year long life and tell you what I already know.

My dad died when I was two. He was really, quite seriously ill, but he didn't have to die that day. Due to some complications, some mistakes, bad luck and how weak his illness had rendered him, he basically bled to death.

I've gone 20 years now, without my dad, and there have been days when I really needed him. There have been days when I have imagined what it would be like to go to my dad and bitch about my mum, or ask him for money, or just hear him say that he loved me or was proud of me. To just be an idiot with him, talk to him, a hug, to yell, to be angry with him. Anything. All I've got is hearsay. I know that my dad loved me, but the only proof I have of that is other people and their memories. I've got nothing of him but his genes and his old watch. I've not told anyone but my mother this, and I'm reluctant to say it now. I've even skirted around a meme question on this very blog to avoid saying this 'out loud'. My very first memory of anything in my inconsequential life, is sitting on someone who was lying on a bed, in a room that was far too bright and could have been nothing else but a hospital room. Further conversation with my mum confirms it, my first memory is sitting on my dad, for the last time. I'm not getting over that any time soon. I've always wondered if the doctors involved in my dad's case could have done something different to fix him.

Today, watching the hashtag (sorry non-Twitterers, I'll try to be as clear as possible) gather speed and opposition, my entire life, started to make sense. That sounds wholly ridiculous, but let me explain.

I've realised today, that it doesn't matter. People make mistakes, and doctors are people too. It is not the NHS that treats us when we get sick. It is our doctors and our nurses. The NHS just makes sure we can get treated, no matter what our circumstances are. We may bitch, and complain and cry when things take too long or when they go wrong but so much of the time, it goes right. We (the people, not me) have jobs, we pay taxes, we get, in return, a system which fixes us when we break and and tries its very best to take away our pain when it can't. On the whole, this system doesn't complain of its problems. And holy crap, does it have problems. Our doctors and nurses don't get paid nearly enough. And they don't get paid per patient. They do their jobs, and they see as many people, with as much care, and genuine human love as they can because that's just what they do. Last Wednesday, I went to the nurse at my GP's office and after 5 minutes of actual medical conversation, she sat and listened to me rant and rave about my issues with my culture and community. She didn't have to do that, but she was attentive, and kind and genuinely concerned about me. She could have told me that my appointment was about this one specific issue and having dealt with that, could I please just go away. She didn't. Instead she sat and shared her own experiences, gave me advice and made me feel completely safe, informed and looked after. That lady should be given a medal. She won't be though, she'll just go on, seeing patients, looking into their lives and making them feel better because that's what she does.

The citizens of a country are its lifeblood. We're looked after in this country. I love the NHS, because I know that if I ever fell down the stairs (as I do) and broke something, clumsy idiot that I am, they'd fix it, for free. If I get sick, I'll be looked after, for free. If my mum, who is pushing 60, gets sick, I'm not going to be alone in looking after her. And that'll be free too.

I know that my best friend, who died of leukaemia in 2007, lost his battle. But he did so after a whole bunch of ridiculously expensive treatment, which could have cost his family more than they have without the NHS. It was free. His family, didn't have to worry about filling in forms, didn't have to worry that their 'insurance' wouldn't cover the costs of their son's treatment. The only thing they had to worry about, the only thing anyone should have to worry about in that situation, was that they were losing their son. And even that could have been more difficult. My best friend's little brother was only ten when all this happened. They looked after him too. At no point was he treated like an idiot, or shoved aside. He had everything explained to him in a caring, comforting manner and I don't even want to think about how that kid would have survived it without the concern and care of those amazing NHS nurses.

Today, in the UK, it doesn't matter if you're poor, it doesn't matter if you've made a mistake on an insurance form, it doesn't matter that you're unemployed. If you're ill, you'll be looked after. You are not alone.

I've seen some, let's be frank, completely idiotic posts on Twitter today. There has been talk of conspiracies, people thinking that ten percent of the NHS's employees were on Twitter making up the entire positive side of the debate. Rubbish! Like they have time for that...

But on the whole, what I've seen has been something incredible, and beautiful. We have stood up for our system. We should be proud of it. It's massive, complicated and expensive, and completely worth it.

Here's as far as I can remember it, again, no research, feel free to complain if I've left something out, the arguments that people are making against the NHS:

Free healthcare = bad healthcare – Bullshit. It may not be perfect, but it's good and it's accessible to all of us. I've heard tell today, that US healthcare is the best in the world. It may well be, it probably is, but what percentage of US citizens can afford it? Who can get it? How many people have found themselves ill and unable to afford healthcare because of some idiotic technicality? I'm asking these questions, I'm not making statements. Give me answers if you think you can.
It's too expensive – It's too expensive to keep your people, your citizens, healthy? Really? That's some great country running you've got going on there, yay for you and yours...
Taxes will go up – What do you spend your tax money on right now? I don't even want to start on war expenditure but come on.
Welfare state/socialism – It's not socialism to want to keep your country healthy. Want me to get capitalist on your arse? I'm a recent Economics graduate, not a particularly good one, but bring it.

Believe me, I know our system fails sometimes, I've got first hand experience of it. But the idea of being without it? I can't even imagine how parents don't just die of stress, thinking that if their kids get sick they can't afford to look after them.

Oh and not to be immature, but fuck Daniel Hannan. Stay in America and get a toothache. I dare you.

#welovetheNHS

Kimber, I say this with love, put the taser DOWN.

2009-08-13T01:37:00.004+01:00

Today's Thursday Thunks:

Play with me (read as filth) here.

Questions About This And That And That Other Thing

1. Hypothetical question- you are in a building with famous works of art, old manuscripts of famous novels, and original sheet music from famous composers. The building is on fire and looks to be completely destroyed. Do you grab any of the famous works before fleeing, and if so what?

Ok, hypothetically: I've fallen over, my hair is ON FIRE. All these things have probably already been digitally archived, no? Also, did I mention? My HAIR is on FIRE. Do you think being rescued by a girl with fire hair is going to be good for these priceless works?! Think it through. Gosh, you ask such silly questions sometimes.

2. In August 1969, the Manson family went on a 2 night killing spree. Do you think 40 years later they have paid for their crimes?

I didn't know anything about these people so I've been on the Wikipedia. Firstly, no. You don't kill someone and EVER repay it. I don't care if you become Mother Teresa straight afterwards, you can never repay taking away someone's life, someone's family member/friend/lover/co-worker/neighbour/neighbourhood hobo...whatever, that's no-one's right. I'm reading now that Charles Manson got his death penalty reduced to life imprisonment. I don't believe in capital punishment. I don't agree that a life for a life is right in any way, I think it's such a schoolyard way of dealing with things. I punch you, you punch me. It's ridiculous, and it makes the state just as bad as any murderer. Also, what if you're wrong? If somebody is wrongly prosecuted, and gets the death penalty, that's murder, cold and final, and in my opinion, that's on the state and every single person who let it happen. Legitimised murder...I don't understand how anyone could think that's right.

3. Power Outage! What's the longest you have been without power?

About a day and a half, when I was living in a flat near university. There was no hot water, it was the middle of winter and I could see every breath I took. I read books by candlelight with my flatmate and ate everything in the fridge. It was one of the best day and a halfs ever. I will be honest, my MP3 player was fully charged and I think I might have gone crazy without it. Music is essential, 'yo'.

4. Just bought a new tazer gun. Will you let it be tested it on you to see if it works, and how it feels to be tazered?

What in the hell is wrong with you Kimber?! No. No! If that gets you off then taser your own self, leave me the hell out of it. And maybe seek some therapy, sexual deviance is fine if it doesn't damage anyone, but I'd really rather not find you buck naked, hair sticking up, looking like you'd benefit from a few blobs of barbecue sauce.

5. A neighbor's mail was delivered to you. In it is a magazine not wrapped in plastic. Is it ok for you to flip through it before giving it to the neighbor? Do you tell them you looked through it?

Pfft, I barely read my own mail. But yeah...especially if it's something really weird. And no, unless my neighbour was hot and it was a good conversation starter.

'Oh you get Garden Gimplords too? I love that magazine. Incredible articles.'

(Hahaha, joke.)

6. If I went through your purse/wallet right now, what all would I find in there?

£10 note, £5 note, £3 something in change. My debit card, student cards, my driver's licence, my library card, my blood donor card, a business card for my local tattoo place and a guitar pick.

7. Have you been living under a rock?

Kimber? Please stop tasering yourself. I'm worried about you. We're all so worried about you.

8. Tell us something crazy you did this week.

Well, I've just hypothetically been on fire and abandoned a bunch of irreplaceable history in a ridiculous, deathtrap building. In my real life though, I went to my local graveyard and took a bunch of photos. Not so crazy but meh. The most depressing thing I saw is below, I've only put up half the photo but good god, how sad is that? Poor little 1930's 6 year old.

Why do I keep ending my memes in depressing ways?

Someday it'll all be sunshine and sweeties. Honest.

Toodles Thunkers,

xoxo

Fucking girls.

2009-08-09T00:31:00.007+01:00

Sunday Stealing: Janana's Now Vs. Then Meme

It's been a while since we had to post rules. But here we will list the relevent ones:

*Think back to ten years ago on this month.
*Write truthful answers and ELABORATE. This makes it more interesting!
*If you don't have a scanner you may omit #14 but I think if you do you should totally do it!
*It's about personal changes. Have fun with it!

Then: August 1999

1. Age: 12

2. Romantic Status: Boys suck. Girls suck. Everything is starting to suck.

3. Occupation: Student. At a girls school. Yuh.

4. Fun night out: Cinema, McDonalds's, home before 8pm.

5. My BFFs: Fake little brother, Blondie, Sage, Tinhead

6. I spent way too much time: around girls. Everywhere, wherever I looked, girls, everywhere! Fucking, girls. Grrrr.

7. I spent not enough time: Around boys. Oh, you saw that coming? Well, fuck you.

8. I wanted to be when I grew up: Writer, drawerer of things, rockstar, palaeontologist.

9. Biggest concern: I go to a fucking girls school!

10. What my biggest concern should have been: Your eyebrows look like voles, you're fat, fairly hideous and you're not getting any taller.

11. Where did I live: At home.

12. Dumbest thing I did that year: Tried to get myself kicked out of the aforementioned school, but not hard enough.

13. If I could go back now and talk to myself I would say: Well, you're not going to get any taller, but you will get hotter. Honest. Stop being an emo. Stoppit. Oh and steer clear of ***** and *****, you're better off without either of them.

14. Picture of me then: Yeah, I was sullen and antisocial, I doubt there are many from that time. I'd try and find one but reliving this has been exhausting.

Now: August 2009

1. Age: 22

2. Romantic Status: Single

3. Occupation: Unemployed

4. Fun night out: is something I seem to avoid like the plague.

5. My BFFs: Fake little brother, and wow, it's only now hitting me that someone I've not met who lives far, FAR, away is someone I consider a BFF. I'm so fucking lame.

6. I spend way too much time: on the Internet.

7. I spend not enough time: Outside, with people.

8. I want to be when I grow up: Grow up?! UP?! I've been 5' for 12 years! Oh! I understand. A writer and drawerer of things is what I want to be.

9. Biggest concern: Someone extremely important is too far away.

10. What my biggest concern should be: My mother's trying to marry me off (HELP ME). I'm unemployed. I'm uninspired. I can't figure my life out. And the answer to question 11 hasn't changed in ten fucking years. Probably mostly the first two.

11. Where do I live: At home. At least when I was 12 I had an excuse.

12. Dumbest thing I have done this year: You know, I've been thinking about this for about half an hour now. I can't think of anything I've done this year that I'd call dumb. I punched a guy last week but I'll be honest, he completely deserved it. That major depressive month was entirely not my fault but I didn't handle it perfectly and that was slightly silly but overall, it's been alright. I actually, think this has been a fairly acheivement laden year and I've met some incredible, life changing people, made some amazing friends. Fuck it, this year I've been intelligent and vaguely awesome and I like it. Yes.

13. What I think I would say to myself in 10 years: 'Huh.'

Summary:

1. What do I miss most from 1999: Thinking the world might end.

2. What do I miss least from 1999: Being hideous.

3. What have I accomplished in 10 years that I am most proud of: I no longer think the world is out to get me.

4. What have I NOT accomplished in 10 years that I wish I had: I haven't yet done the thing, the story, or the drawing, or the piece of something that has made me think, 'YES! That's what I meant! That's it!'. I'll work on it.

Happy Sunday, Blogfiends!

xoxo

Raindrops keep falling on my head, should probably go inside, I'm getting wet, la la la la, la...

2009-08-01T03:07:00.004+01:00

Saturday 9: Rain

1. What do you typically like to do on a rainy day?
I love the rain, it's my favourite weather (I'd say snow but rain's more reliable). It's not something I ever plan, but when there's a proper downpour I do seem to end up lying in the grass in my back garden, in my underwear. This, is always, of course, followed by a solid bout of the common cold. Totally worth it, mind. Otherwise I like staying in bed with a hot cup of tea and reading a good book or watching a DVD. I'm quite dull. Huh. Now I'm sad. Look what you've done...

2. Tell us about the last time you did something you later regretted, that you can share with us.

I was not brave enough to end a relationship definitively when I should have, and ended up really hurting someone I care about. I guess that's not so much doing something, as not doing something but I think it applies.

3. I recently got an email from a lover from a very long time ago. I was asked "Have all your dreams come true?" If it were you and it was from someone you remember fondly, how would you answer the question?

Ha! Ask me again in ten years, I'll try hard to give you a good answer to that. No, seriously, write it down. August 1st, 2019, if I'm not dead, ask again. And how are YOU? [Sidebar, it has quite literally just occurred to me that I'll be 32 in ten years...I'm okay with that.]

4. If you had a job interview and was asked, "If you were an animal, what kind would you be (other than human?)" How would you answer that question.

A velociraptor. Um, I'll be honest, I think you need to work on your interviewer technique. I'm just, see I'm not getting that you're taking this seriously. Ahem. Yeah...I'm not getting this job, am I? Thanks for your time, I'll...I'll see myself out.

5. Do you think it is a good idea to share with a new lover stories of your past lovers?

Depends on how important the new lover is, and how significant the old ones were. I think it's silly to pretend you don't have a past, it's like you were hatched, fully formed last night, but having said that, I don't think your past should have much impact on your present, other than to stop you doing the stupid things (if you wanted to, you could read 'things' as 'boys'. I SAID IF YOU WANTED TO! Jesus...some people.) you've done over and over again.

6. When do you think it is permissible or even important to lie?

I think there's an element of slippery slope, but I'm sure there are instances in which, it's not the worst thing in the world to lie. I lie all the time. That's not good though, and I don't recommend it. I think I've always lied to cover up my substantial 'weird' quotient and I'll tell you this for free (I'm lying, you will pay. Oh yes.), you get less of the 'oh my gosh, what a freak, don't look at her sweetie, just walk past, I'll explain why she was doing that later' looks that way.

7. What was the last thing you did that you never thought you would?

Only went and fell in love. What an idiot...

8. What is one important lesson that you learned from your mother?

Always be on time.

9. What is one important lesson that you learned from your father?

Don't die if you have a baby, it will have implications for them later on in life. Look at that. Logic. Could I have ended this meme in a worse way? I think not.

Have a wonderful weekend Bloggers =) xoxo

I very much like the title of this meme.

2009-07-26T02:50:00.004+01:00

Sunday Stealing: The "Leave It to Meme" Meme

1. Who was your FIRST date?

Robert. That's literally all I remember. Man, that made me sound like a whore. I'd change it but this means I get to use the word 'whore' and that's really all I ever aim for in life.

2. Do you still talk to your FIRST love?

I don't, but we were 4, and I think that's a very good excuse.

3. What was your FIRST alcoholic drink?

Fruit punch.

4. What was your FIRST job?

Receptionist/secretary/office manager/boss wrangler at a local estate agent for a summer when I was 19. My cousin got me the job. It was shit, I got paid about half of the national minimum wage, I had to lie to EVERYONE, the boss was married and only stopped hitting on me when I revealed that as the caretaker of the office mobile I had his wife's phone number. My favourite part of the job was the fact that I often took advantage of the awful telephone connection by answering 'Good morning *company name*, would you like to speak to the cock?' No-one ever questioned it. I've always wondered if that was because they thought I was saying 'boss' or because they secretly agreed.

5. What was your FIRST car?

I've never owned a car but I drive my mum's Polo, learnt in a Corsa, and failed my first test in an Astra.

6. Where did you go on your FIRST ride on an airplane?

I was two and it was to Sri Lanka.

7. Who was your FIRST best friend & do you still talk?

My first best friend is still my best friend, and is someone I refer to as my 'fake little brother'. He's, I think, probably the best person in the world and I love him.

8. Whose wedding did you attend the FIRST time?

I think, my uncle's, but I would have been about...4 so I can't be sure.

9. Tell us about your FIRST roommate.

Haven't ever had a roommate (unless you count the motherlord...oh lord).

10. If you had one wish, what would it be (other than more wishes)?

I probably shouldn't say. Barring the unmentionable wish, a fun, well paying job would be quite extraordinary at this point. I would settle for shit and subminimum wage at this point though... Huh...I should probably call the cock.

11. What is something you would learn if you had the chance?

I'd learn to paint, because I apparently love it a little bit too much.

12. Did you marry the FIRST person you were in love with?

No. Whose blog exactly do you think you're reading?

13. What were the first lessons you ever took and why?

Either Bharatha Natyam (a South Asian style of dance which I have almost certainly spelt wrong) or veena (a Tamil music instrument), can't remember which came first, and why? Because the motherlord made me.

14. What is the first thing you do when you get home?

Hip check the car (I have no spatial awareness) and take my shoes off, for it is the done thing in the Tilli household.

Happy Sunday xoxo

...leave tonight or live and die this way.

2009-07-25T02:09:00.005+01:00

Saturday 9: Fast Car

1. What’s the furthest trip you’ve taken by automobile?

Went to Germany by car last year, just after my cousin's little boy was born, he turned one a couple of days ago. Such a lot has happened since then, that's entirely crazy.

2. What’s the worst pick up line you've ever received?

Something about being so small I could be carried around in someone's pocket, that's not the bad part, I don't remember the whole line (It's entirely possible I've repressed it) but it had something to do with his mother's oven gloves. Creepy...

3. What’s the best pick up line you’ve gotten?

Not a pick up line per se, but the guy who crashed his bike (bike, not motorbike, I'm not evil) into a railing while trying to catch my eye gets points for making my day hilarious. Also, more points for a smooth and speedy recovery which segued seamlessly into chatupness.

4. What was the last gift that you received?

I got a handbag last Friday as a graduation present. Despite not being my style at all (expensive, smart and classy, not like me at all), it was bought with the intention of impressing interviewers with my sweet grownup style so my cousin gets complete credit for being thoughtful.

5. What was the last gift that you gave someone?

I haven't technically given this yet, I will in the morning, but it's slightly more interesting than the last gift I gave. It's for the one year old...I'm not certain he's going to appreciate the two hours of solid effort (I mean, when you compact all the strung out unfocused effort it adds up to about two hours. See that? Logic.) but everything to do with his birthday, invites, decorations and whatnot are Winnie The Pooh related so I thought I'd rip off the person to whom the copyright belongs and do a painty thing.

6. Tell us about the last time you cried.

I've been having really gory, graphic, horrifying nightmares since the night before graduation (don't think the two are related, also what the fuck is wrong with me? Seriously?) and I did wake up terrified and crying yesterday morning.

7. Tell us about the last time you laughed uncontrollably.

The last time...whoa, was actually quite a while ago, when Jay (I miss you, and in fact, the other James as well. What is UP with the Jameses of the world? Come back now.) was still in the country and yelled ''BUS WANKERS''(watch The Inbetweeners, it is of the good.) at the people at a night bus stop. We were drunker than squirrels high on fermented pumpkins so it was funnier then than it is now...and, you know, it's still pretty funny.

8. Do you suffer road rage? What are your thoughts on it?

In general I'm a very calm driver, despite absolutely hating the act of driving. I think it's the lengthy paying attention-ness of it, I'm not into that. Anyway, there's this one town, called Northolt, which is very near to where I live, and driving through it turns me into a four wheeled foul mouthed beast of a person. Road rage, thinking about it now, is kind of interesting when you think about it. Driving's one of those parts of life, like any other part, that you just do, without really questioning it, it's standard. They should check to see if you're claustrophobic when you're taking your driving test, I'm sure those who have it real bad are more susceptible to the rage.

9. What’s one of your favorite movie quotes?

Must go faster - Ian Malcolm, Jurassic Park.

A solid life motto, I think you'll find, especially if you're being chased through a theme park by a hungry T-Rex.

Have a monumentally brilliant weekend, dear Saturday 9ers xoxo

One of my contact lenses has fallen out.

2009-07-22T23:36:00.012+01:00

Thursday Thunks:It's the July 23rd version and I can't think of a catchy title

1. You walk into a store and the cashier is being held up by a robber. The robber's accomplice is dead on the floor at your feet with a shotgun laying next to him. The robber does not see you, but the cashier does - what do you do?

How...did the second robber die? Honestly, either this robbery isn't going to plan or the shopkeeper can totally handle himself. Knowing me I'd probably trip the fuck over and get myself brained with a watermelon. If not though, I'd probably back out quietly and call the police. Are you asking me if I'd shoot the robber? I wouldn't, I wouldn't even fire a warning shot in case I accidentally shot something important, like a fire extinguisher or a kangaroo. I'm not so good with the aiming and directions and such.

2. We go to an ice cream shop for an ice cream cone. You say you are buying and I am going to stay in the car. You ask me what I want and I say "surprise me", what kind of ice cream cone am I going to get?

I'm buying and going to get the ice cream? I'm buying, YOU go and get the fucking ice cream cone, I'll wait in the car. God, what a wanker.

3. You have a dream that your co-worker, friend or whoever is hit by a garbage truck after they back into a ladder with a black cat on it. The next day you see that person standing by a ladder with a black cat on it and there is a garbage truck driving down the road.... what do you do?

Ring my friend's house so that they go back inside and escape their preplanned death, steal the cat, call it Samuel and bake gingerbread men.

4. What is the most money you've won on a lottery or scratch off ticket?

I don't do the lottery thing, it never appealed to me. I did though, buy the one ticket the first time I was legally allowed to after I'd turned sixteen, you know, for the thrill. Nothing special happened. I wasn't surprised.

5. A neighbor kid down the street comes to your door and offers to wash all of your windows outside for $10 - do you have him do it?

I'm not entirely sure why but that sounded epically dirty to me. No, though, the windows are quite clean and I'm saving up for shoes.

6. Go to Google Images. Type in the name of the last movie you saw. Post the first picture that comes up.
I absolutely need to figure out this whole, formatting thing.

7. Your local animal shelter calls you and says there are 3 dogs that need an immediate foster home for 3 days. If you do not accept, the dogs are put down that day. Do you take them in?

Absolutely, but if the motherlord kicks me out, and odds on, she will, can I come stay with you?

8. What is the messiest room in your home?

Mine. People who tidy are just trying to hide their porn. Don't hide your porn. Be proud. Not that I have porn, I'm just messy in the mind. Honest. Wait, that sounded dirty too.

9. Have you ever been to a wedding that participated in a strange tradition that you had never heard of?

Unless you count the fact that Tamil weddings are like, 3 hours long, and involve at a minimum, about 400 guests, no, no I haven't.

10. Name one sport that you just don't get.

Sport? Seriously though, curling? What's that about? Go home and hide your porn.

11. What was the last email that came into your inbox about?

It was from HMV tickets and they want me to go outside of my house. No thank you HMV, I am busy, hiding my porn (how long am I going to go on about this one?).

12. Have you ever purchased anything from a sex shop? Extra points if you tell us what it was....

Well, I guess I'll stop with the porn thing now. I haven't actually, although I did once go to an Ann Summers party at a friend's house...nothing came of it. Damn. I'm so fucking dull today.

13. Go back to that Google Images link... type in the last food item that you ate. Post the 2nd picture it comes up with.

14. Got any bumper stickers on your vehicle? What are they?

I don't even have a vehicle. What a prick...

15. What meme question do you wish was never asked again?

I don't think I've been doing memes long enough to answer this question. 'Where do you hide your porn?' better not come up anytime soon though. This is my house. I stop now, for it has all, for lack of a better phrase, 'gone to hell'.

What? Another one? And this one's by a ghost?!

2009-07-22T15:07:00.002+01:00

Wednesday Media Mix, 7.22.09

[Listen] You can only take 5 albums with you to an island. Which ones would you pick at the moment?

I love that, I'm reading this as 'You know you'll get rescued or find a way off this island eventually, but till then, have some tunes'. I've been listening to Only By The Night by Kings of Leon a lot recently. I'd only listened to it a couple of times before, preferring to stick with the earlier stuff, but Spyke, the commercial fiend that he is, recently discovered that despite technically being that accursed thing, indie *shudder* [what can I say, he's an odd one], he actually really likes Sex on Fire *snort*. Coupling that with my two days of work last week and the early morning commutes they entailed [how much of a grownup am I?] I discovered that there are some really good songs on there, Closer, Notion, and Cold Desert being my favourites. Also, let's not forget, Caleb Followill has one of the most oddly sexy voices ever.
Wow, and that was just one album. Ok. The next one'll be Bad, by Michael Jackson. I won't lie, I've spent the last few weeks on an epic MJ binge and now I won't be able to stop for at least a month more. This album has the brilliance of Speed Demon and Smooth Criminal, which together make up the bulk of the best parts of Moonwalker. It was between this, Thriller, and Dangerous and really any of them could have won.
Next on the list is Alas I Cannot Swim by Laura Marling, because it's so chilled out and beautiful and if I'm going to have to fight off a giant talking boar or a displaced polar bear I'm going to need something relaxing. Look at me, all practical.
Cease to Begin by Band of Horses is generally gorgeous and is quite often my sleep soundtrack nowadays so this is for distraction from all the bitey bugs and for putting the less nice dinosaurs to sleep so I can look up their noses and such (You didn't specify what kind of island it was, stopjudgingme).
Finally, Grand Unification by Fightstar because it is beautiful, one of my all time favourite albums, 49 minutes long and perfect for exercising to. If I'm not going to be chased around by strange animals all the live long day, I am going to have to get my jog on. Right, next question.

[Watch] Do you think reality TV is capable of adding any real value to our lives?

I spend most of the Big Brother/I'm a Celebrity periods with my head under a duvet, trying my hardest not to open any browser windows waiting for the damn things to end. If you're going to include stuff like X factor, Britain/America's Got Talent, Project Runway (all of which I don't watch) and America's Next Top Model (which I occasionally watch) I think they have the redeeming quality of requiring some talent and sometimes inspiring the masses. While I'm not a fan of reality television in general, I actually find it really interesting how something like BGT gives the entire nation something in common and is oddly unifying in a way that many other possibly 'more worthy' things try and fail to.

[Read] What is your favorite memoir? Or if you don’t read memoirs, do you have a favorite autobiography, or is there someone’s autobiography you’d really like to read?

I'm very much more into fiction than memoirs/autobiographies...I actually don't think I've read any so far. I did get a really good recommendation for Michael J. Fox's autobiography from a friend so if I do pick any up, it'll be his.

This was fun, yay for memes. Yay for memes.

Homorabbit.

2009-07-21T13:38:00.005+01:00

The Mission Impossible Meme
Lift off!

1. You are a guest on the space shuttle. You just arrived on the moon and realize you forgot something back home that you can't live without. What is it and how do you convince them to go back and fetch it?

Oh my, this is really embarrassing, but I think it'd have to be Thumper, my cuddly bunny rabbit. I've had him since I was 7 and he goes literally everywhere significant with me. He even came to my graduation on Friday, although he had to wait in the car. Totally misread the invite, came wearing a bow-tie and nothing else. How would I convince them to go back and get him? I'm fairly certain I'd have to draw a crack on one of the windows in indelible marker and convince them that we were in a cartoon. If we don't get back to Earth ASAP, we're going to run out of air, have to eject, our space helmets are going to come off and our eyeballs and heads are going to explode. I think, and bear in mind, I am still feverish, I think it'd work.

2. Pretend you are a teacher in a rough public school for one day. You have been assigned to teach Manners 101. You have the "challenging bad butt kids" class (remember this is a pretend school and anyway I can't say ass on my blog 'cause it's so unQueenly and I might get fined or something).
They are jumping up and down, cursing, and throwing things at you.
What is the first thing you would write on the board?

'I am on day release from the local asylum. Your headmaster/principal has made a mistake and I will not hesitate to kill you should you misbehave. Sit down.'

3. Someone in your family or a friend has started a blog. They think it is anonymous but you have figured it out. They are saying derogatory things about you. Do you tell them or do you read it for awhile?
How would you handle it?

Spam, oh the spam. I kid, I'd probably just let them get on with it, if I'm worth blogging negatively about then I a. am quite flattered that I'm worth that much effort. You're not. or b. probably deserve it.

4. If you had one dollar left in your pocket, what would you spend it on?

I'm reading this as 'one pound' because I'm in Ing-lund. As bad as this is, it's going to have to be the 99p cheeseburger from McDonald's. Now I have a penny. If I spent that will I have a millipenny? What do I do bloggers?! Tell me! What do I do?!

5. President Obama and the First Lady are coming over for dinner. What do you serve?

It's Tuesday and my mum and I have decided that we're ordering buy-one-get-one-free Domino's tonight. They're totally welcome to share our Vegi Volcanoes, but I'm not sure that there's enough Garlic and Herb dip to go around. Sorry, Mr and Mrs President. I am sorry.

6. You walk in on your lover. They are trying on your clothes. What do you do?

Though this is currently a hypothetical person, this is probably payback for my inability to leave boys shirts alone. They make really good dresses and capes! I'm going to back out of the room and let them have their fun. Although, I'm five feet tall, honestly, what does this person look like that they're able to try on my clothes?

7. Every astronaut must have shots! Choose your vaccination: You only get one and you can't enjoy any of the attributes of the other choices. You choose either: (1) The fountain of eternal youth and sexual vigor but only for 10 years (2) perfect health for a lifetime (3) eternal mind-numbing nirvana and peace of mind (4) unlimited hedonism for one year with no negative consequences.

I'm going to go with perfect health, because I'm 22, really, am I going to have real issues with (1) in the next ten years? If so, I'm actually frightened. (3) sounds kinda boring, if I'm honest, I think the bad times make the good times better. And (4)...hedonism has consequences?! Shit...has anyone told Bud?

I can't think of anything to put here.

2009-07-19T01:33:00.005+01:00

Sunday Stealing: The Heretic Meme

1. Who was the last person of the opposite sex you lay in a bed with?

My cousin. That's not creepy at all. T'was earlier today, I was asleep and it was past 3pm. He had been shaking me intermittently for a half hour and was thirty seconds away from dousing me in cold water before we realised I was feverish. Still am a bit, thank you for your concern.

2. Where was the last place you went out to eat?

An Indonesian restaurant in Redhill last night. I did just grab a cheeseburger (more specifically a double cheeseburger and a cheeseburger...and some fries and a coke from McD's) a couple of hours ago but I had a contractual obligation with my stomach to fulfill (I promised it cheeseburgers on graduation night but got waylaid by the family) but you didn't ask me about takeaway. I'm sure you were glad to hear about it though.

3. What was the last alcoholic beverage you consumed?

Half of my cousin's beer (Himal - oddly fruity),at dinner last night.

4. Which do you prefer - eyes or lips?

Eyes are generally prettier but lips are more fun to play with....Lips, I go with lips. Look at me, making decisions, like a grownup.

5. Medicine, fine arts, or law?

Palaeontology.

6. Best kind of pizza?

The kind that comes with Domino's Garlic and Herb dip. I'd eat my own face dipped in that stuff.

7. What is in store for your future?

There's a store?! No-one tells me anything! I'm going to get hit by a fucking bendy bus now. I hope you're pleased with yourself.

8. Who was the last band you saw live?

Fightstar in...November?! Fucking biscuits on a stick, I need to gig.

9. Do you take care of your friends while they are sick?

No, I steer clear because despite empathy being one of my stronger suits, being useful is completely not.

10. How many songs are on your iPod?

I have an em-pee-three (I am a wanklord) player. I refuse to bow to the Apple. A few hundred is the answer to your question, alongside five or six audio books.

11. Where is the last place you drove to?

Redhill. Actually, I lie. My house, from Redhill. Look at that. Accuracy. You're totally right, I do rock.

12. Where did your last kiss take place?

Oh man, I totally don't remember. Such is my life.

13. What were you doing at 11:59 PM on Monday night?

It's Sunday now! Who do you think I am?! Rain man?!

14. Are you a quitter?

No. Shut up, tiny Devil. I said NO. Crapsticks, the angel's fallen off my shoulder. I'm supergluing a Christmas tree fairy to my collarbone, that'll have to do.

15. Who was the last person you had in your house?

I literally don't remember, I'm completely antisocial and no-one really knows this place exists. This place doesn't really exist. Don't come looking for it. It's not worth your life, man! DON'T DO IT!

15. What do you think about people who party a lot?

I don't really think about them at all...now I feel bad about myself. Was that your intention? Was it? You should feel bad about yourself. I said it.

16. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

Depends who to, but generally, no. That was an awkward conversation with the Easter Bunny though, you do not want to know where the eggs come from. I am scarred for life.

17. What was the last CD you purchased?

Siren Song of the Counter Culture - Rise Against

18. What are two bands or singers that you will always love?

Finch and Michael Jackson. This was far too restrictive, I am not happy. Oh yes, you will feel my displeasure. It tastes like burning.

19. Which of the seven deadly sins are you guilty of?

Right, let me remember what they are. Shit...I 'plead the fifth', whatever that means.

20. How is your last ex doing?

Not so good. I accept the blame. Now off to bed I go to think about how much of a wanklord I am. Happy now? Are you?! God, some people.

I do apologise, this is likely to make even less sense than normal. I actually am feverish. I sleep now. Love on all your faces. On them.

xoxo

Sleeme.

2009-07-14T00:29:00.002+01:00

In accordance with my brand spanking (heehee 'spanking') new mid July resolution to do many more blog posts per month, with more quality content (yeah...good luck with THAT, wanktard) the gorgeous Mimi (I say this like she did it to make my life easier, I realise that the world doesn't revolve around me, I do, but I've eaten so much pizza this week that I'm starting to develop my own significant gravitational pull. There's a bottle of KETCHUP in orbit around me.) has started up a new meme for Tuesdays that I fully intend to be a regular participant of. Oh man, I'm sleepy enough that the last sentence makes just enough grammatical sense to keep. So here you go, I sleepmeme. Sleeme, if you will.

The Blog Outside The Box Meme

1. You are in court. You are in deep doo-doo. What did you do? ('Cause if you want, I might could talk to the judge and get your sentence reduced to Bloggingham dungeon time.)

Right. Here's what happened. I think you'll agree that I did the right thing. I hit someone on the bus with my guitar because they kept looking at me, eyes pointed into my ear, obviously in an attempt to eat my brain through my eyestems. Self defence Judgeman, look it up in your law book.

2. Your blog just became a best-selling book . What is the title of your book?

There Are Staples In The Duck Pond: Tara's Story.

3. It is midnight. The phone rings. It is Michael Jackson calling from the Great Beyond.
What would you like to ask him?

Ah, nothing. Put down the phone MJ, it's sleep time now. As much as I've made this blog a place for snarky answers, I truly adored MJ and I think despite the horror of his having left his kids behind too damn early (I speak as a kid whose dad died way early also), it's time to let the poor guy go. Also, I probably wouldn't pick up the phone, I doubt the caller ID would show anything that I'd respond to. I only really pick up if it's my mother or if I think there'll be a dinosaur on the other end, despite the fact that thinking about it now, that'd be a little bit redundant. I do love dinosaurs, but not enough to communicate with them in their own language. Learn to speak fucking English before you drunk dial me, dammit. Fucking dinosaurs, can't even text. Oh, also, I do pick up if Spyke rings and I know he's drunk, for the comedy value. What was the question? Oh attention span, how you pwn my life and mind.

4. You are having your future told. The fortune teller looks in the crystal ball, screams and leaves the room in fright. What did they see?

Perpetual unemployment.

5. You're blogging along minding your own blusiness (that's blog + oh...you know) when Google unexpectedly puts a Objectionable Content Warning on your blog. Your own mother is afraid to enter! What, pray tell, did you do to warrant it? How did this happen? Do you think you deserve it? Just how objectionable are you? Do tell.

This seems oddly familiar. Ok, how'd I warrant it? I joked about a dinosaur wanking on Jesus. How'd it happen? How does anything on this blog fucking happen, my mind is wrong. Did I deserve it? Absolutely. That dinoJesuswank thing is just over the line. I'm not objectionable, love me for who I am or leave me alone. I DON'T NEED *SOB* YOU. I CAN MAKE FRIENDS ALL BY MYSELF. Gah, my mum's so mean sometimes.

6. You suddenly become God Of The Universe. What would your first Commandment be?

Thou shalt not be a judgemental, holier-than-thou, my-god-is-bigger-than-your-god wanker. There is only one God and being that she is me, I ask that you be persuaded by evolution, pretend I don't exist and leave me alone. I am a psychopathic wanker (wow, vent much?) and I do not want your love. Man, where's Moses? I need an editor.

7. And finally, what secret would you like to tell the Queen?
Not to worry. What happens in Bloggingham, stays in Bloggingham.

I really did want to make that joke about the dinosaur and Jesus, I had it written out and everything but I deleted it at the last minute. Jesus judges me. The dinosaur judges me. I judge me. I cry now. I cry now.

Corsets, chickens, spiders and clowns.

2009-07-12T02:32:00.006+01:00

It is 2.32 on Sunday morning and I am about to engage in some thievery.

Sunday Stealing: The Double Stealing Meme

1. If you could turn back the hands of time to correct one wrongdoing, what event would you choose and why?

This is too hard. I'll come back and change this.

2. Are you one for tradition? If so, what traditions do you strongly believe in? If not, what makes tradition hypocritical?

Not particularly. I do believe in Santa though and celebrate accordingly.

3. You were taking part in an event and you had to crossplay, who would you crossplay as and why?

Crossplay? Hang on, I wiki it. Oh, ok. If I were to be a guy for something I'd be...wow. Probably Slash because he's awesome and strangely hot and I completely respect his hair and talent, not in that order. I'm not even going to pretend this isn't because I'm currently having an MJ binge and this question coincided with Give In To Me which is probably one of the hottest music videos ever made, largely because of Slash. Stop judging me, I'm 22 and not particularly bright.

4. If you only had one day left to live, how would you spend your last day? Would you be tempted to live fatally if you knew you were to die the next day, and if so, what extreme measures would you take?

I assume by this you mean I know I'm going to die. Return any library books, anything else I've borrowed, give some hugs, probably not say any goodbyes, spend the rest of the money in my pocket/handbag on cheeseburgers and ice-cream. Oh and I'd definitely have to get on Skype for a couple of hours, despite the nerd factor, because that's just the way my life's panned out. Oh god, that'd suck so hard. Right, I'm totally looking both ways from now on.

5. What are your top five sinful materialistic items, ones you'd expect from others including those closest to you? Why are each in the position they are in?

I'm entirely not sure what I'm being asked here. I'll have a go though, because that's just who I am. Top of the list is probably pretty/humorous underwear. I bought two (two!) corsets online yesterday at around 3am. And last time I went into town I came back with five pairs of girl boxers, all covered in cartoon farm animals. I'm going to say shoes next, it's these things, I feel, which keep my boobs from retreating into my body. I could have just said shoes and underwear are why I'm still a girl but I didn't. No. No, I didn't. Fuck. I'm 5 feet tall, so I feel buying high heeled shoes is sort of justified, but I'm totally lying. Books, I don't know if that's materialistic but I do seem to buy them even in my sleep so I'll make them number 3. Ah, I'm cheating slightly, but I can't think of others so the other two will be CDs and DVDs in that order. CDs are, I guess, a little bit redundant in this day and age but I love having the physical thing and I totally buy CDs just off the strength of the cover art (this is not generally advisable). Oh god, I need a job.

6. I am...hopeful.

7. I feel...uninteresting today, this is likely to be difficult reading. I apologise.

8. I see...trees of green...red roses too (I lie, it's 3 in the fucking morning)

9. I need...to sleep soon. I will sleep soon. No, really.

10. I love...heeheehee, sadly, that would be telling.

11. I wish...for things to sort themselves out, for a lot of people, including me.

12. I think...they will.

13. I hear...Music and Me by Michael Jackson, and miss him all the more now.

14. I crave...oh man, cheeseburgers, ALL the fucking time.

15. I fear...that I'm kind of a wuss, and might chicken out of some stuff. Also spiders and clowns.

16. I hope…I don't chicken out. Also that I'm not attacked in the night by a clown made of spiders. Yes.

Well, I guess, it sort of worked...

2009-06-23T12:02:00.007+01:00

Remind me not to try the general positivity thing during periods of insomnia, apparently, it makes the whole thing harder. Being good went ok, I left the house a lot more than usual, though that led to me being either drunk or on a bus. The whole time. Once I was drunk ON a bus. A NIGHT BUS. I don't know if anyone who's not lived in London will get that but on a NIGHT BUS.
News! NEWS! Noos! I'm getting a degree, they're giving me a degree. In economics. That's a real thing and everything! I'm more relieved about the thing than anything else, this does actually mean I can allow the bits of my brain what deal with studying to atrophy, I like that. Spyke's also graduating so congrats and love, balloons floating, filled with love, flying down towards your face. Also, I'm writing down our intention to do the Spyke-and-Tilli-Palooza thing here so that we're not allowed to forget it. It's on the Internet now. That means it's illegal NOT to do it.
My eyes hurt. I need to look at something in...incandescent for a bit. Candescent? I need to look at something candescent for a bit. I'll write something that makes sense with words at some point in a future belonging to us, a future not taken over by robots, nor by zombies or poodles. A future belonging to us. Warn the chimps from the monastery, this can't end well.
xoxo

The Experiment.

2009-06-12T07:37:00.006+01:00

Yesterday was atypically brilliant, and resulted in an idea. Firstly, to summarise my yesterday. Yesterday I drank with a good friend, in a park (like the hobos) during the daylight hours. Being a regular weekday, the park was quiet and beautiful, rainy, sunlit, and generally perfect. After getting drunk enough to sing out loud, we were approached by a rather large man with a gorgeous puppy (Any other day that'd be a euphemism, but I'm being my usual lovely self today so it's not even a little bit dirty. No, really.)and complimented on our ability to harmonise. That probably would have been slightly terrifying had my friend not been bigger than said man, but because he was, it was really rather nice and I got to spend about 10 minutes involved in what can only really be described as a puppy cuddle. As I've mentioned before, I've been having a difficult time with sentences and the best thing about my friend, what's always been the best thing about him, is his ability to talk almost continuously (and yet, somehow, never annoyingly) without interruption. When he did eventually require answering, to my surprise, and genuine, absolute relief, I found myself completely able to hold up my end of a discussion. He was a little taken aback by the massive pouncey bearhug that said realisation resulted in, but again, he's large, it wasn't a problem.
Coming home after this awesome day, I found myself trying to find ways to prolong it, having a longer than average chat (two words: 'Going upstairs.') with the motherlord, actually ringing a friend and having an hour long conversation (for the first time in, in all seriousness, about a month), finding nice foods and generally having a nice time.
From this came The Experiment. Look at that, caps and boldness. You know this is serious stuff. I don't like being in a stupor. It sucks, it feels like being constantly weighed down and not in a fun way (That was dirty. I still got it.) and I don't want to go through it if I have a choice in the matter. Do I have a choice though? That's the experiment. Go one week, starting from today, sustaining a good mood, being productive and generally making the bits of my life I have control over, good. I'm genuinely intrigued to see what'll change. I've not slept in a couple of days now, but that's not mine to make a choice about, so I'll carry on in spite of it. I've been working on something pretty creative (and slightly beyond my established skill set) since about 4 this morning, and I'm getting quite excited to see what'll happen. I'm not expecting great results, this blog's actually been the apex of my creativity for a good long while, and it's not a write-y thing I'm trying to do (I'm being cryptic, I apologise with my fingers and face, I'll tell you more if it works out) but at this point, any results, just to start something, would be a dream in itself. Slightly lame, I know, but this is my life for now.
Right, so, this is what I'm doing. Energy, excitement, a general air of upbeatness and positivity. It's new, but I'm giving it a try. I'll try and keep you updated. I know some of you hate Twitter (I'll be honest, I completely understand. (Bud, I'm talking at you, and I am sorry. (look at this weird bracket thing, what on Earth am I doing?))) but my little feed thing's in a box somewhere on this page and that's the most immediate way to keep track of my general progress. Otherwise, I do intend to blog about it, so watch this space. Or the space above this space. This isn't a space at all. It's got words in it. Who comes up these things?! Eejits.
To sum up, yes, I'm being a good girl for a week, let's see what happens...

Here's the bit where I whine like a little bitch.

2009-06-05T23:33:00.015+01:00

Heh. I kid. Sort of. Look it! Tis a pretty flower! And it's got rain on it!
I've been thinking a lot recently. A lot, a lot. It's mostly coming from the lack of inspiration (haven't yet found it, not yet catatonic, will keep you posted). It's literally just occurred to me that by posting this I'm admitting to being in bed with my laptop on a Friday night. God, what a loser.
Anyhow, this is the thing. I'd kind of assumed, having finally gotten free of the shackles of economics for the first time in 4 years/education for 18 (18!) years, that I'd at this point be either running round in circles screaming, drinking far too much Jack Daniels (did just dump the rest of el Flirtalot into my ginger beer, was that wrong? Discuss.), or blissfully creating all the things I've had to put on the backburner. It's not working out that way. That's fine, of course it is, I'm not really one to be surprised by things not working out as expected, it's the sometimes brilliant, sometimes awful (mosttimes downright mediocre) story of anyone's life.
I do wish I'd do something though. It's been two weeks since I finished my exams, surely, surely my brain's gotten over it by now? I continue. Also, this next bit's slightly boring, whiney, depressing and all in one handy paragraph that you're completely welcome to skip if you so wish. I smile at you on the face. On it.
Part of my yesterday was spent, trying to convince my favourite aunt that I wasn't on the road to clinical depression. Fun times! Why this was online was basically something broken in my general circuitry, I've had real issues, since my exams finished (maybe before, but it's hard to tell, wasn't really talking much at that point anyway) with constructing sentences out loud. Ah, I'm writing this down and it's coming out all pitchforks, torches and 'Get her! She's weeeird!'. It's now occurring to me, wow I'm lacking wits today, that there are a couple of people who know my real life face who read this on occasion. As much as I hope you miraculously miss this post, I....never mind, read into it what you will, I love you. Where was I? Right, no, this is the thing. I've done depression. I spent almost two years quietly, properly depressed and at that point, when I actually was depressed, no-one even came close to noticing. Now, I don't want to sound ungrateful, or insensitive, or even remotely whiney (ah, I've lost that battle, haven't I?) but seriously? I needed help then. I genuinely did, and I didn't get it. It's making me angry, and I'm really trying not to be, that people are noticing that I'm in a rough patch now and trying to invade it when back when I actually needed someone to come in and pull me out of the mire, I was completely, successfully, invisible. I won't at all pretend that I didn't try to hide it. I'm an amazing liar, I've evolved into one, and I hid it really well. I didn't ask for help, I didn't want it. But I did need it. It's really only now, selfish person that I am, that I think most people are, not in a bad way at all, but selfish anyway, I'm only really now wondering how many people, outside of the statistics, are successfully hiding how intensely broken they are. I'm naive enough to hope it's not many, smart enough to know I'm wrong.
By the same token (might be a different token, I've not thought this 'token' system through, bear with me...bear? Bare? Bear?! *static*) though, I'm not clear on why people are so convinced that one should be on all of the time. Certainly I'll admit, it's probably not a lot to expect another human being to engage in reciprocity, I say words, you say words, now we smile, and walk away but come on, I'm 22, also, I'm a girl (!), I want to be able to have moods. Let me have moods g'dammit!
Also! Today I spent four straight hours thinking about dinosaurs. Then I stopped and thought for ten minutes about how God tends to be painted in all the flowy (Flowy's not a word? Is there actually no God?!) white robes and really, if I was him, I don't think I'd bother to wear underwear because there's just SO much fabric but surely if His robes fell down it'd be monumentally distressing for the whole of the universe? Or would we allow it on the basis that a. He did create everything, give the guy a break or b. The guy, his robes, and his potential underwear? Completely imaginary, probably not so important anyway. I do wonder...
Yesterday (sort of, I've managed to write a post that spilled over into the weekend, I something something ending in loser) was vote day. Too bad for the country that yesterday and the day before I felt like an actual child. Now, I feel like a child most of the time (see above: dinosaurs and God boxers) but yesterday I felt like an actual five year old and though I tried to be fairly well informed about most of the different people on the ballot thingy (thingy. Yes.) the entire thing totally unnerved me. And then when I was walking to the polling station in my pink flip flops I felt like I was actually in Call of Duty or something and I properly felt like I was going off to war. Sometimes I think I take myself too seriously. El Flirtalot looks all sad and empty. I cry for him. I cry and laugh. Craugh. Nahh, me, serious? Never.
Poor little dude. He did serve me well. Although, you wouldn't believe who I found in my wardrobe! Narnia has in fact, gone a bit properly weird now.
Yuh, you're seeing it right. Leetle 5cl Flirtalot's got a big brother, a big 1 litre brother. Why does a 22 year old girl have that in her wardrobe? Who could tell you? I could actually, duty free is silly, and shouldn't really be allowed. Chocolate and whiskey is what I brought back from the States, chocolate and whiskey. I'm a rubbish child and a rubbish girl. Oh well. OOH I SHOULD MELT THEM TOGETHER. No *slap* bad thoughts, those are bad thoughts. On that note, I go back to reading, books are good for the mind and sole. HA! Sole. That's a fish and a shoe part. Not what I meant at all. But sole it remains, because really, I don't like to edit. I smell melting plastic. The laptop's been on for far too long. I stop typing now. I do. I stop now.

Zombie.

2009-05-29T13:06:00.004+01:00

Thanks go to Windows Media Player shuffle and The Cranberries for my post title.
I feel somewhat like a lost puppy. On a raft. In the middle of the Atlantic. With a shark circling the raft. And it already ate the other puppy. The shark, not the me puppy.
I'm so uninspired. That's really, genuinely upsetting, because during the hell period, I couldn't walk two feet without stumbling upon something I wanted to draw or build or write. I wrote down all the ideas with the intention of making them happen post hell, but now that I'm here, I can't motivate myself to do anything resembling creative.
I have a plan. The massive shuffle is part of it. I've got literally, like a hundred movies to watch. Both deviantArt and ArtBreak have buttons to click for random works. I have more than 50 books in the book queue with none taking priority over any other. There's a mass of music I've never listened to that just lives on my laptop, clogging its little digital arteries and not even being of use. Lemme give you an example. The shuffle just took me from Mr Boombastic by Shaggy, to The Swan by Saint-Saëns. Part of me thinks, dude, what the fuck is wrong with you? The other part, the part we're listening to right now thinks yes, eclecticism, this is what we're after. Something has to inspire me. Something, something, has to hit me. It's a statistical (ew!) certainty! I also plan on being outside anytime the sun shines, as it is now...shit, right, hang on. I'm going outside. Do talk amongst yourselves.
Ok, I'm in the garden. What was I...I'm reading up. Right, that's the plan, witness all of creation and be in creation. Then create. I'm not saying it's a good or coherent plan. But it's my plan. If you knew me better you'd probably notice that I'm saying the word I generally shun 'plan', a lot. I can't afford to shun words anymore. If I haven't...the sun's stopped shining, I'm going back inside. Right...shit. If I haven't started, OH COME ON MAKE UP YOUR MIND. I'm outside again. This part of the plan was slightly retarded. IF I HAVEN'T started creating by Monday morning, I plan on catatonia and general never speaking to anyone or moving ever again. That's what we're calling Plan B. Yes. Maybe...wish me luck.
xoxo

Shit it.

2009-05-19T23:22:00.005+01:00

I haven't looked this much of a beast since I was about...16. The motherlord has started enquiring about various bodily functions, I look that bad. I cannot wait for this to be over. And the sprint starts tomorrow. Come Saturday I'll have reclaimed my eyes from the brow, hopefully will have gotten a haircut, slept so my face'll have depuffed, gotten a little bit wasted and laughed hysterically for at least 45 minutes. The picture shows part of the reason for the beastage, I haven't eaten anything resembling healthy for about 4 weeks now. Neither have I worn anything other than pyjamas, slouch jeans (which I can no longer legally refer to as slouch jeans, as they fit far too well) and ALL the hoodies the manufacturers of emowear ever produced. I think I might actually give most of them away on Saturday. Too many bad memories, man. Too many bad memories. Neither have I done any exercise exceeding 45 second bursts on the treadmill (then inward tears of rage and fat), running outside whenever anything changes in the garden and lifting myself up using just my arms and balancing till the water heats up for my hot Ribena. Oh that too, I've had 7 large mugs full of Ribena today, and let me tell you, that's pretty tame.
It's been a rough, strange week. I've sunk into some strange sort of depression which oddly enough, began with my mother returning from the library and informing me that I'd been fined a little over £2 for overdue books. Now, ok, not a big deal, I realise this in theory, but dude, I haven't spaced on library books in about...I'VE NEVER HAD A LIBRARY FINE BEFORE. FUCK. Economics is leeching my life and soul of everything good and leaving nothing but dust and broken nerves. Having sort of thought about the possibility of failing the year again I came to the solid conclusion that even if I do, these are my last few days as a student, I just can't do this anymore (well that sounded melodramatic, can I be bothered to reword?....no.). I wasn't built to be an academic, and as much as I'm prepared for several uphill struggles in life, education will not be part of said struggles beyond these days.
The next time you'll hear from me will probably be post-weekend. I hope you all have amazing days until then, I miss you all, and will get back to my regular outpourage of NOTHING next week.

Love at you ALL.
xoxo

Awardery!

2009-05-14T17:45:00.010+01:00

Dude, somebody knows I exist. I smile! Lots!

Bud from the awesome WTIT blog has given me the 'Neno Award'. Thank you, you gorgeous, spectacular man!

The aims of this award:
* As a dedication for those who love blogging and love to encourage friendships through blogging.
* To seek the reasons why we all love blogging.
* Put the award in one post as soon as you receive it.
* Don't forget to mention the person who gives you the award.
* Answer the awards question by writing the reason why you love blogging.
* Tag and distribute the award to as many people as you like.
* Don't forget to notify the award receivers and put their links in your post.

This award requires me to tell you guys why I love blogging. Erm....wow. I do love blogging, I wish I knew why. In all honesty, I just, love writing. I love the idea that I sometimes make people smile with the errant thoughts I take uncensored and unedited out of my head and splatter (jizz joke!) all over my blog. I also love that you guys take time out of your day to comment and tell me what you liked. I'm not saying my content depends on your comments, but you really do make me smile and I'm sure the tiny plastic devil who lives behind my left eye files away your thoughts for later reference.

I'm giving this award to two lovely people, one who I know in the real world and the other who I now consider a blog buddy, and that's pretty much the intention of the award so that's apt or something I can't remember the word for.

My blog buddy Eerie was the first person in the Blogosphere to realise I exist, and to give me feedback and I thank him so much for that. His blog is great, he does all these memes and they never fail to crack me up. He's also a really nice guy, definitely pay him a visit.
He also gave me an award a few weeks ago, which I really didn't know what to do with but totally appreciated and when I get a minute I'm figuring out how to put both these awesome things in my blog layout for good.

My awesome real life friend Spyke is genuinely lovely, and hilarious, and his blog is totally worth a read, even if you don't love him in real life as I do.

Thanks again to the amazingness jockey who goes by the name of Bud, if I could give you the award back...but not...like...back...you get this right? I would give you this award if someone else had given it to me. Yes.

I've said awesome too many times. Too many times.

xoxo

Friends! Babies! Ladies.

2009-05-13T23:50:00.005+01:00

I have NO idea what that title's about, I sorry, my Ingleesh eesn't happy. I haven't done a proper post in a WHILE (read that as, hu-while, like the English person I am) and I miss eet! I really do, I hadn't realised how much I actually enjoy it, it's nice to know. I am midway through the exam horror, 3 of the 6 are done and have taken 3 weeks to do. The next three however, take place on the Wednesday, Thursday and Friday of next week. Seeing as this might actually kill me/rip the still beating eyeballs from my FACE (yeah, that doesn't work at all, does it?) I thought I'd do one last proper post before the impending doom. Hopefully, if I do survive, I'll get properly plastered and try to post something in celebration. I thought, it being tradition and all, that I'd Thunk so here goes it.

1. You are at the store when suddenly 2 men walk in with guns and rob the place. Are you the hero, quiet & follow the rules type, or try to make a run for it?

I can only assume I'd be the second type, though I do wish I were the first. I also, kind of wish I'd be the person who'd hide behind something and then knock the first one into the second one using a watermelon. But I doubt even I'd be THAT dumb. Never know this sort of thing until you're tested though, I wonder if I'd surprise myself.

2. Do you like Twizzlers?

I do not know of these 'Twizzlers' you speak of. That is what I'd name my newly invented firework CONTRAPTION though so yes...I like my Twizzler firework. Is that what you wanted to hear?! IS IT?! IS EEEET?!

3. Are you a YouTube watcher?

Oh I absolutely am. I am no longer allowed to type the words, 'acoustic', 'blooper/gag reel' or 'squirrel' into the 'Tube' (as us ones in the know call it) for fear of spending the DAYS clicking links.

4. When a auto glass store calls you and asks if you have a chip or crack in your windshield, what do you tell them?

This has never happened to me. What I would say though is 'I don't have a car. Is there a crack in my face?! IS THERE A CRACK IN MY FACE?! Why hasn't anyone pointed it out to me?! WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT?! PLEASE! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! FIX ME!' and such until they became terrified and hung up. Would that be wrong of me?

5. What is the age difference between you and your father?

Whoa. My dad died when I was two, and because of that I'm fairly uncertain of details such as this one. The gap between me and my mother is like...36 years though, so I'm guessing 38/39.

6. Have you ever tried to find the end of a rainbow?

I hadn't, I'd preferred to assume there really was a pot of gold but I saw this photo online a couple of months ago of the end of one hitting a road and all my dreams died.

7. Camping - recreational vehicle or tent?

Tent.

8. Have you ever had to call 9-1-1?

I haven't. Neither have I had to call 999, which is what I would have to call to report an emergency seeing as I live in the Englandland.

9. Who is your favorite blog in the Thursday Thunk bloggers to visit?

Shit it. Either Bud or Spyke. Though Bud's the only one I can remember who does this with any regularity so I'm going to have to pick him. Sorry Spykle. Yes. Spykle.

10. How long do you think you could live locked in your house on the food that you have on hand right now?

Couple of weeks. I'd fail my degree though. Then I'd eat the bricks in my depression. Is that what you want? Is it? IS IT?

11. Pepper - shaker or grinder?

Grinder. Shaker or grinder is probably THE dirtiest thing I've seen in blogworld and I consider myself a dedicated reader of Bud's blog. It's not your fault though dear Kimber and Berleen, I am just a twat with THE smuttiest brain this side of the Atlantic.

12. What state (or country if you are not in the US) is 2 states west of you?

*snort* I barely know where I am. Where's west? Where's England? Where the fuck am I? There's dinosaurs, an AT-AT and a rabbit in this room. Fucksticks.

13. What color do you believe you look best in?

Oh god. Seriously? I don't know. My face has spent the last month and a half being devoured by economics and FAT. I look good in the NOTHING. Wait...no, that's...nudity. Red? Let's say red.

14. What is your question submission for next week?

Bugger it. Go get a tattoo and come back. Right, now answer me this, what ees eet?

Toodles!
xoxo

Altercations with the parentlord.

2009-05-09T18:54:00.003+01:00

Dear World,

I'm not sure if you've noticed but recently, very recently, you lost all your charm. Please find it, bring it back. I'm just going to sit here with my eyes closed till you do. Hope that's cool.

Yours sincerely,
Tara

Fucked my shit up Yoda has.

2009-05-04T15:15:00.002+01:00

May the Fourth be with you, Blogworld =$

Hmm.

2009-04-25T08:03:00.002+01:00

Apologies for the lack of posts/Thunks/comments. I did mean to blog but I got drunk three nights in a row instead, was that wrong? My first exam is on Thursday. 9.30am on Thursday. I'm somehow, not even close to panicking. I'm not ready, not by a long shot, but I'm feeling particularly brave this year. It's not Dutch courage at all, just...a strange sense of wellbeing. Time passes, priorities shift, things end and begin. Somehow, the universe no longer scares the living crap out of me. It may be huge, but...it's all about scale, we live and breathe, and the universe just doesn't give a shit. We are smaller than ants, more miniscule than dust to the eyes of eternity and yet, we are the lords of our own worlds. Who cares what the universe thinks of us? Why should we give a shit about it? The universe can go fuck itself.

Jesus, I sound stoned.

It's not so bad this life, is it?

xoxo

I ACHE!

2009-04-21T14:45:00.006+01:00

For various reasons, one of which is that I jumped awkwardly out of bed this morning, landed weird and bent the second toe on my right foot in the wrong direction. My toe. I swear, every day I just get fucking dumber. It occurs to me to explain the whole 'jump out of bed' thing. This is literally, the only way I can get out of bed in the morning without going 'Ah...five more minutes' which inevitably turn into an extra three fucking hours. Is there a better way? A way in which I'm less likely to injure myself? The Decepticon is capable of simultaneously organising 5 different alarms, which can be set to like, go off on different days and everything. I had no idea technology was so advanced. Point being, I, for three days, set two alarms one hour apart so that the first alarm was a precursor 'Leave Dreamland, concious thought and motion will be required in one hour'. It worked the first day. The second day the first alarm just got incorporated into my dream and there was a fucking fire at the toffee factory and the second woke me up just as I figured out how to put out the fire without the toffee getting fucking destroyed and I didn't get time to tell fucking anybody and NOW I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO THE FUCKING FACTORY WORKERBOTS.
Anyway, currently on the playlist is 'Sax Man' by The Lonely Island. I'm not the biggest fan of Jack Black but I'm pretty sure the reason I love this song is very similar to why I love School Of Rock, and by god, I do love School Of Rock. I don't know what the reason is by the way, I figured you'd know. You know. You do, right? Yeah, you do.
I think I'm starting to freak out. My first exam is in a week and two days, and the whole thing will be over in a month and a day and a few hours. This is the longest schedule I've ever had for exams, the thing actually takes three weeks and a day from start to finish. I'm fairly certain I'm going to go dead silent a week in, won't be able to stop crying two weeks in, will have lost all my hair by the third week and on the last day, will laugh hysterically for the next week. Apologies in advance to those of you who have to witness live-action Tilli do this. The last three exams (I have six in total) are on three consecutive days. Oddly this doesn't worry me so much, it's possible that if I get through the first exam ok, the rest'll be ok too. Hey, you just met calm Tilli, she's cool, she wears a hat and is always manicured. There's a monocle in her pocket....
Right, I am concentrating. My toe and tummy and left cheekbone and back don't hurt at all. Not at all. Be the bear. BE the bear. I AM THE FUCKING BEAR.

Yeah I was right, this was an excellent waste of time.

2009-04-19T09:59:00.007+01:00

I had only planned on Thunking over the revision period but this seemed like a solid way to waste some time. Sunday Stealing lives here.

1. My uncle once : tried to teach me maths and made me cry. Actually this is true of quite a few of my relatives. Fucking...smart people.

2. Never in my life : Huh. I can't think of an answer. I really can't! Right: have I been to Thailand.

3. When I was seventeen : I was hideous, for real. Ugh.

4. High School was : traumatic and the less I'm reminded of it the more likely it is that one day the lambs will stop screaming.

5. I will never forget : that dinosaurs are awesome and blossoms are beautiful and if my inner child says it's a good idea, it probably is, but that I should be cautious because sometimes the little bitch just wants me to die.

6. I once met : Gerard Way, that was an awesome day. Despite the cold, the queue, and the crazy girl in the hat.

7. There’s this girl I know who : got towed up a hill on a skateboard.

8. Once, at a bar : my friend hurt her foot. I proceeded to drag her up the pretty-damn-steep hill immediately outside the bar on a skateboard wearing high heels. Because that's the type of friend I am.

9. By noon, I’m usually : thinking about dinosaurs or cats strapped to slices of buttered toast.

10. Last night : she said, oh baby, I feel so down...Umm, last night, I...basically this is what happened. After revising for most of the day I leaned over the side of my swivel chair to pick something up, fell off the chair and then the chair fell on me. Deciding this was a sign to stop working, I went and got myself a tiny fruit pie from the kitchen and trying to break off a bit of the crust, I squeezed ever-so-slightly too hard and the pie exploded all over my face and eyes. At this point I thought, huh, not so good a night. Then, I dropped my less-than-a-month-old phone whose insurance contract I'd cancelled the night previous which promptly broke into all it's component parts. Not to worry, I fixed it. I'm good like that. Anyway, thinking at this point that the universe was out to get me I was afraid to go pee, on the off chance that this'd be the first time in my life that I'd fall into the toilet. Using the Birthday Wish Theorem 'If you say it out loud it won't come true' I both said it out loud and then on Twitter so other people would see it and went off to pee. Didn't fall in, but did fall down twelve stairs on the way back. At this point I was resigned to accidental and embarassing death but thanks to somebody lovely on Twitter I found out that there was a Family Guy marathon on BBC 3 so I curled up on the couch and watched Blue Harvest. Nothing else bad happened because Blue Harvest feexes all! ALL! I wonder if this was the longest answer to a Sunday Stealing question ever.

11. If only I had : the time and the means to do exactly what I wanted, I'm pretty sure I'd be both deliriously happy and on the way to being emotionally and intellectually fulfilled.

12. Next time I go to gym/church : will probably be the next time I do one of my 'God, I'm fairly certain you don't exist, but just in case you do, what the fuck is your problem?' visits to the church I can run to in 6 minutes at a dead sprint.

13. Susan Boyle : Oof, am I supposed to know who this is? I saw her as a trend topic on Twitter and everything and now I wonder if I should have clicked it. OH! OH! She's that singing lady. Actually, I've just seen Spyke's answer to this and he's given a rundown of my exact actual feelings on the subject so I ask that you go visit him.

14. What worries me most : is the thought that one day I might give up.

15. When I turn my head left, I see : the garden.

16. When I turn my head right, I see : Blank lime-green wall. Bastard wall.

17. You know I’m lying when : I follow it with, 'oh I lie'. Otherwise you won't know.

18. What I miss most about the eighties : Um...well, I didn't even make it to three years old in the 80's and 2 wasn't a very good year for me or my mum...ignorance? I guess, is probably what I miss most about the 80's.

19. If I was a character in Shakespeare, I’d be : huh, I'd probably be Juliet actually, which makes me sad because I feel I should have a better answer. Maybe one of the hags...Juliet falls in love too fast, her parents don't approve and she ends up having the time of her life then destroying herself over it. Juliet always appealed to me because she did have options, a 'good' option, because Paris, what little is said about Paris, was good, but she knows that it's wrong and she's brave (or selfish, that too) enough to face the consequences of making the 'wrong' choice. In her case though, her death and that of Romeo, despite being a massive blow to the families, actually helps them to fix things, it's not a good thing, but something positive comes out of it. That may be the least realistic thing I can think of happening in any of the little Shakespeare I've read and like, hello, Midsummer Night's Dream. Ha! Hermia. No, it's not even a...like, love thing, it's all of life, I never want to make the safe choice that probably is the intelligent choice, I think that'd crush me. I think my greatest fear, actually, is to be like Katherina, unless if she is actually being properly sarky at the end of The Taming of the Shrew, which I like to think she is. And now I wonder if this answer's longer than that other one from before what was long too.

20. By this time next year : I will most probably be a downtrodden corporate whore/slave. Ha, I lie, who in their right mind is going to give me a job?!

21. A better name for me would be : Captain...Dino...face...twat...head.

22. I have a hard time understanding : Cournot equilibrium, right now.

23. If I ever go back to school, I’ll : cry until they let me leave.

24. You know I like you if : I poke you in the face/climb on you/ tell you I love you when I'm drunk. If I'm sober I probably mean it.

25. If I ever won an award, the first person I’d thank would be : My mother. I can't help but think like, fourth, person would have been more revealing. Just saying, innit.

26. When I compare 80’s rock to 90’s rock : I think, wow, nothing's ever going to beat 90's music, ever, is it?

27. Take my advice, never : play netball. Just say no.

28. My ideal breakfast is : one where I do not have to leave my bed...or wake up.

29. A song I love, but do not own is : Hide and Seek (Imogen Heap cover) by Fightstar, I wouldn't know it existed were it not for Spotify. I also found out a few weeks ago that Frou Frou is actually Imogen Heap and some producer so why do I love 'Let Go' so much but cannot, just cannot, listen to Imogen Heap?

30. If you visit my hometown, I suggest : you seek me out, or you're not going to have any fun at all.

31. My favorite Beatle is : Ringo? Only for narrating Thomas The Tank Engine. Otherwise probably...Paul. I think. I don't know enough about the Beatles to be answering this question. Shun me. I deserve it. OH BUT FIRST LOOK AT THIS! Jim Hance is a legend.

32. Why won’t people : close fucking doors when they leave fucking rooms?

33. If you spend the night at my house : you can play with my dinosaur toys and we can bake and make hot chocolate!

34. I’d stop my wedding for : whoaaaaaaa, how did I get here?! Wedding! NUHUH. Not unless I was like...old and sure and smart and sure and not crying hysterically and sure. But if I was sure, probably very little. Actually, this came up quite recently, my uncle died about a week before my cousin got registered and certain people thought he should have postponed it but I totally disagree. It's so easy to taint beautiful occasions and there's no point in putting off life for death, I have learnt this much over the past couple of years.

35. The world could do without : a lot of stuff, but it's more interesting for having it, I wager.

36. I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than : lick the belly of a spider or a clown. Even a clown without the makeup. These are people I cannot date, those who are younger than me and those who are clowns.

37. My favorite blonde is : Kiefer Sutherland's blond...ish right? Um...Elisha Cuthbert's so hot, but Kim Bauer aggravates my face. Ummmmmmm, I literally can't think of anyone blonde. UMMMM, wahaha, I know someone with blonde beard hairs, so, you know who you are, you're my favourite 'blonde'.

38: Paper clips are more useful than : Caper plips. I said it.

39. If I do anything well, it’s : fucking procrastinate.

40. And by the way : fucking Spyke took my fucking answer to this fucking question. And now I'm swearing.

Sweet Jebus, if you're reading this, I'm so sorry for the longness, apparently I'm in a type-y mood today.

Learning Outcomes

2009-04-17T20:47:00.015+01:00

Yesterday was awesome. AWESOME. I learnt so much that at the end of the day my brain tried to stick a finger down its throat so it could puke up the excess knowledge. Naturally, I cut its fingers off. Was that wrong? They grew back! It's fine. Fiiiine.
Today, not so good. It turns out I'm much more of a social being than I had given myself credit for and apparently if I can't get good company, I'll totally settle for mediocre. I should have known...Sadly enough, I couldn't even find mediocre. Then I went to Twitter. Ah Twitter, how thou doth pwn my mindbrain. I love it, I love the people, I honestly do but it's safe to say, it was neither productive nor conducive to being educated. It did however alert me to a friend being on Skype. To Skype I went. About ten minutes into that conversation Skype died. I mean, seriously, does the internet hate me?! Does it?! Or is it just enjoying this blog so much that it wants to push me further towards insanity just so that I'll talk about it?! Dude, if that's the case I'll totally make shit up, I'm great at that, just stop fucking with me.
In other news this blog is currently being linked to by Booktin. Now, that's fun, but it made me wonder if I should start watching my language/content/intelligence. You'll have deduced by now, the answer to all is no. I quite like being honest here, I'm not so good at it in real life and apparently being digitised bypasses my circuitry in some magic way. I like it. I really do.
Another thing I like today, is the idea that Spyke and I (dude, you crop up in every fucking post, what the fuck? Also, have you noticed, your 'name' is an anagram of Skype?) seem to have maintained our telepathic link despite our horrifying revision schedules and my communicational embargo meaning that we spend no time typing at each other and very little time either emailing or texting. Having gotten The Lonely Island's 'I'm On A Boat' stuck in his head with my pre-Thunk post, I decided this morning that I'd text him the line 'I'm ridin' on a dolphin, doin' flips and shit' as has become our habit. I think I've texted him lines from 'Jizz In My Pants' like three times now. Anyway, mid-text (texting takes a fuckload of time on le Decepticon, I'm still not used to this high-tech malarkey) I get a text from him that reads 'Fuck land, i'm on a boat motherfucker. Fuck trees, i climb buoys motherfucker' also from 'I'm On A Boat'. An adorable exchange ensued, and basically, what I'm getting at, Spyke is awesome and you should all go visit him because he's lovely and hilarious.
What else happened today? Oh right. Postman totally fucked me over. See, when I revise, I inevitably spend my student loan on things that motivate me. Things like books and CDs and DVDs and toys to play with post-exams and most recently a whole bunch of underwear and...fuck it, I bought shoes. I bought shoes...from the internet. They are gorgeous and they fit perfectly, so fuck you and your squinty eyed 'Bitch be craaaazy' looks. Sorry if you weren't squinting. Even sorrier if you have really small eyes and are self-concious about them. I really wasn't trying to upset you. Shit. I'm sorry. COME BACK, I'M SORRY! Anyways, point being, WHY?! Why would you give the parcel to my mother when you know it's for me and then tell her, of your own volition, that this is the third day in a row that her idiot daughter's gotten a big box in the mail?! For fucks sake. I'm never flirting with him again. And I know it makes him happy. I'm good at it. Fucker.
I leave you with this. My brain is a bitch. A bitch with way too much power. Everytime I try to concentrate it sends messages to other parts of my body to distract me. I've peed like, 14 times today, I've had pins and needles 4 times, eaten 6 times, hit my funny bone on my chair twice and finally received one of those 'You are blind now BITCHEGG' migraines that make me want to die. I hate my brain. I'm going to stuff it full of so much knowledge tomorrow that it's going to explode. Wait...that's not good for me...
Shit.

thunk

2009-04-16T11:32:00.003+01:00

That was the sound of my head hitting the table for the fourth time today. It's not even afternoon yet. It's also what I'm about to do, Thursday Thunks frienderinos! What the fuck is wrong with me?

1. Recently Berleen and I discovered the allure of the Twilight series. Have you ever been sucked in to the latest "thing"? (Like Harry Potter, the movie Titanic, social networking, etc. etc. etc.)

Sure, Twitter's probably the most recent of these, though I've had to cut back in a major, major way for the revision period. Metro Station has this song 'Shake It' that I really love which I think has charted and I remember hearing it on the radio a lot when I was still driving into school, I wonder if that counts. Spice Girls, actually just general pop music when I was like, 10. I do love Twilight but my flatmate and I caught it before it became a phenomenon over here so I don't know if that counts. Oh and of course, Facebook, though it lost its appeal way back and now I just live there for the photos. Actually the thing that I liked best about Facebook in earlier days was the insane banter between Spyke and I, our wall-to-wall was practically mandatory reading for a surprisingly group of people. That died when offline messaging became standard so now Facebook is more of an irritation than anything useful.

2. What software do you use for your email?

Yahoo! Mail. Although not many people know that, it's like, a secret address that only important people know about. Oh, fuck. Don't read the beginning of this, I use Windows Live Hotmail. That's all. ALL.

3. Are you comfortable being nude?

That does depend on my location. But, yes.

4. What is something you plan on doing this summer?

Yeah, so, the word 'plan' does not work for me. I cannot have plans. Ever. They do not work out. I have 'missions', 'hopes' and 'possibilities', I never have plans.
I hope to be seeing a couple of friends Stateside, and I'm really looking forward to that. I also hope to read every book ever written and see every movie ever made...that might not be the most possible of missions (Mission: Impossible, if you will) but I'm going to try anyway. I also have an idea for a...well, a something, creative, that I want to try and bring to life. Pfft, I lie, I have about four hundred ideas and it pains me that they're not what I'm occupied with right now. Soon Tilli...sooon.

5. Do you have a favorite movie/book quote? If so, what is it?

Oh, come on! Oh my gosh. Well, literally anything Robert Downey Jr says in Tropic Thunder, but this bit especially.
There's this bit in my favourite book, Jurassic Park, by Michael Crichton. Ian Malcolm, who you probably know as Jeff Goldblum out of the movie, makes this big speech and that speech is probably my favourite part of anything ever. Mostly because it makes me feel safer and less, ant-like which is probably odd considering what it is. It's not much a quote as....it's just really long, sorry :$

'My point is that life on earth can take care of itself. In the thinking of a human being, a hundred years is a long time. A hundred years ago, we didn't have cars and airplanes and computers and vaccines...It was a whole different world. But to the earth, a hundred years is nothing. A million years is nothing. This planet lives and breathes on a much vaster scale. We can't imagine its slow and powerful rhythms, and we haven't got the humility to try. We have been residents here for the blink of an eye. If we are gone tomorrow, the earth will not miss us.'
Then Hammond says something, Malcolm says something, then he says this.
'Let's be clear. The planet is not in jeopardy. We are in jeopardy. We haven't got the power to destroy the planet-or to save it. But we might have the power to save ourselves.'

And would you believe that I've read that book enough times that I only had to use the actual text to check that quote. I am so lame.

6. How many email addresses do you have?

Three, one that's predominantly for Messenger, one for mail and one for school. Oh I lie, four, I think I have one for Booktin that I've not used yet.

7. Is the sky falling?

No. There are things falling out of the sky though. Loads of precipitation and the occasional squirrel.

8. Have you been to the Grand Canyon?

I haven't, I've only actually been to New York, as far as the States are concerned. I'm not a great sightseer, I so much prefer to just...be, wherever I am. My mum is not the same, and wants to see absolutely everything. I only stopped going on holiday with her last year and as much as I love my mum, oh my gosh, best decision I've made so far. Literally, till last year I had NO idea that holidays were actually supposed to be fun.

9. When was the last time you mailed a hand written letter?

I used to write loads of letters, when I was....ten. Loads, and then email happened. The last letter I ever wrote was to my aunt in Sri Lanka, a couple of years ago. Given the choice I'd probably continue to write letters but the world moves too fast now, it's sad in a way.

It's probably indicative of my mood today that there's just no funny, anywhere in this post. I apologise, I really do. I'll try harder next time. Although next time I'll be exactly a week off my first exam so I'll probably be in an even worse mood. I promise you this, after May 23rd, I'll be so fucking delirious that not only will the posts be funnier, but they'll be funnier because they'll be fuelled by alcohol and giddiness. Note that nowhere did I say they'd make any sense at all. More likely than not, they'll just be assorted letters strewn haphazardly around the page.

Happy Thursday =)

xoxo

I got a nautical themed pashmina afghan .

2009-04-15T12:54:00.010+01:00

I've just spent the last hour and a half on Youtube watching nothing but The Lonely Island. I went there to rewatch the Where The Wild Things Are trailer! I STILL HAVEN'T DONE THAT. Ok, I have now. I cannot tell you how excited I am for that film. I mean, I love the book, and I can sort of imagine how they may have stretched it out into a feature length film but I'm totally intrigued to see what they actually do with it. It's sort of odd, I can't remember having been so emotionally attached to any film just off the trailer. Excitement! I'm writing a review of the book for Booktin which should be up at some point in the next...week, though you guys pretty much got a sneak preview just now (It's awesome! Oh my gosh! So awesome!). It's a cool site, it's so new and we need fans and hell, if you're not into Kate Mosse you could go read me slating one of her books there, you know, if you wanted to. If you really like her/she is your idol/you want to have her babies maybe steer clear of that particular review. I'm fairly certain that I'm the least interesting reviewer on board so if you enjoy reading me talk crap at all do go check it out. I swear I'll stop promoting now. I mean, promoting the site. I'm not done with things I like. I like lots of stuff. For example! I mentioned having made a new friend a little while back and somehow he's getting more awesome by the day so if you get the chance take a look at his stuff.
You may have noticed that I'm actually not doing my work. I...I don't know what's going on. I dream about it! Last night, I'm not kidding even a little bit, Pennywise the Clown came out of my closet, sat on my chest and screamed equations at me. Now, I've had some terrifying dreams before. This one definitely ranked up there. I mean, not to get graphic but when I couldn't answer his questions he asked the Bogeyman to come out of the closet and he did! And then he just stood there! HOLDING THE PSYCHIATRIST'S FACE IN HIS HANDS. His eyes seemed to say 'I'll have your face if you can't answer Pennywise's questions. I'll hide in the world and I'll wear your face and one day just before I kil...' You know what, you don't need to know the rest of the story. Let's just say, I couldn't answer any of Pennywise's perfectly legitimate questions and I paid for my ignorance.
So why am I not working? Not one among us could tell you. You'd think YOU'D THINK that being threatened by the very epitome of childhood fear would spur me into action but it turns out I'm just enough of a bellend to not listen. I'm starting to seriously wonder if the laying out of my work ethic in this blog's going to affect my job prospects. Ok, I promise, I'll finish my reviews and then I'll start working again. Oh and, just in case you thought I was lying I'm taking a picture of el Flirtalot for this post. Just look at the smarmy bastard.
Right, I'm out. Honest. I am. I'm not trawling Blogger for things to comment on. I'm not. I'm not!

Swivel chair.

2009-04-13T20:19:00.007+01:00

It has been thirteen days since the beginning of revision. For this period I have been stuck in cold room painted a fairly blinding shade of lime green astride a standard dining room chair. My back hates me. My lungs hate me. The lime-effing-green walls hate me. Even the Internet hates me and I didn't think the Internet was that kind of a person.
In an attempt to sort out my back I decided that today was the day I would bring the uberheavy but supercomfy swivel chair that lives in my room down the stairs. This requires a little bit of backstory. See, last time I tried to transport the swivel chair I was....well, chunkier, and apparently that meant I was stronger. Strong enough that I could turn the chair on its side and slide it down the stairs. That however, turned out to be a mistake in the end. There's not many ways in which you'll find out that the seat and swivel...ler of a chair aren't actually connected by much more than glue and string. One way, though, is when you try and slide the chair down the stairs only to have the heavy wooden swivelly part disconnect and fly down the stairs, gouging some of the paint and plaster out of the wall and colliding with the glass front door. God...I literally spent that entire day waiting for the door to realise its injury in an explosion of shattering glass and parental screaming. Thankfully it didn't but I pretty much vowed to make a grownup help me the next time.
So what was my first thought today? I shit you not. The 5'1, lion-maned, idiotic 22 year old thought '...but I am a grownup!'. It was surprisingly successful though. Despite the fear of swiveller detachment making me lift the entire heavy-arse chair off the ground and supporting it all the way down the stairs, we both got to our destination in one piece. A minor flashing incident (never try this wearing a stretchy low cut top) and a slight hernia worry...but it's fine, fine. Honest.
There's a tiny bottle of Jack Daniel's sitting on my table...it's literally spent the past week flirting with me. 'Come on baby, you know you want it...I could have you on the floor so fast...' I don't know what people from Tennessee sound like, but that's what it sounds like. It's only 5cl but, I am small and I've actually not touched any alcohol for...*calculation face*...whoa...literally since Spyke's birthday party, so....sometime in November. I got no tolerance. There's also a bottle of Caramel Bailey's under the stairs which isn't that tempting despite the fact it's basically alcohol, cream and sugar. What's wrong with me? Seriously? Ooh. I wonder what'd happen if I froze it. That's not how they make Bailey's ice cream right? It's not, right? Should I try it?
Last night I went on an emergency cheeseburger run for emergency cheeseburgers. Driving around it occurred to me that this was the first time I'd left my house in 12 days. Now, I'm pretty happy to sit around by myself usually, but 12 days! Come on! Revision is actually the unhealthiest past-time ever created, and it's not even fun! The cracks are definitely showing, not just with me, the fact that I have 14 texts in my phone at this moment all describing plans for monumental post-exam pissups, separate pissups, leads me to believe that the only cure to the revision blues lies in the knowledge that one day...soon...ish, we will be able to drink so much that all the information we've absorbed over the course of our degrees will drown in a horrifying mixture of alcohol, puke and dead brain cells. Urgh...it sounds disgusting...and so much fun. Yeah, okay, so as much as I love my friends, being told in a roundabout way that the Natural History Museum doesn't close its doors on days I can't go see the dinosaurs doesn't make me happy. Fucking already-graduates. Grrr. Anyway, where was I? Right, cheeseburgers. For my first venture into the real world, I decided to wear the biggest hoodie I own. Literally, it would fit me and a grown man simultaneously. It's like a tent. Like a house. If I'm ever forced into hobolife, this is the one thing I want to take with me. The guy at McD's took one look at me (and listened to my ridiculous order) and said 'Revision?' As nice as he was to me, there was a little part of me, a leeetle part, that wanted to punch his sweet little face in.
So here are my aims: Revise, do good at exams, get drunk, lose all revision fat, earn money, graduate, get drunk, visit y'all (and Jack Daniel's) side of the pond, get drunk, come home, earn money, and weaving seamlessly through everything post-exams, be creative. I think it'll work. I have faith in it. And myself. And this chair's so comfortable that I really don't have as many excuses as I did for running outside everytime 'weather' happens. So here's me...knuckling down. Watch me knuckle. See, and I thought I was going to go crazy...
Will somebody please STOP this little bastard bottle hitting on me?

I like pie.

2009-04-10T19:44:00.009+01:00

Well, the smutspeak hasn't completely left me...it hasn't really left me at all and I've just bought 35 quid's worth of underwear on a whim, but it seems idiocy and the basic quality of 'Tara' will on occasion prevail. Earlier on I was complaining about the weak quality of the rain. 'Spitting' is not something I approve of, either rain properly or just don't rain. Then a little while ago it began to properly chuck it down, and without thought or preparation I found myself lying on my back in the grass in my underwear. It turns out my capability for logic isn't really something that should relied upon for split-second decisions. I can only imagine that I thought 'Probably shouldn't get your clothes wet...they'll stay wet forever and ever, honestly they will, clothes don't dry if they get wet in the rain.' At no point did I think 'It's cold. You're in England. IT'S COLD.' Idiot. I am now ever so slightly bunged up and my hair...oh my gosh, my hair, it hates me. It hates me so much. I don't think we can live together anymore, that kind of tension, one day it'll explode, I'm telling you, it will. If I'm ever found in the same sort of situation as Lynn Denlon at the end of Saw 3, you'll know who to blame.
I should point out, this isn't the first time this has happened. I distinctly remember texting Spyke last year I think, in the exact same situation. Difference being, I trusted Morris to survive the whole, drowning thing, to even transmit data in a downpour. I do not have the same faith in the Decepticon.
In other news, one of the girls I went to school with, and had dance classes with as a child (for an extremely short time) is getting married. My mum bumped into her mum at the temple today and since temple is apparently gossip central she found out that it's an 'arranged' marriage. Now, I've got to say, I know a lot of you guys are married, and like, good for you, but marriage, is just, not my thing. 'Arranged' marriage, is so far from being my thing that if I could, I'd shoot it in the face and laugh, hysterically, until the nice men with the sirens and hats came to take me away in their back of their shiny car. Oh my god. Well, obviously, my mum, being who she is, got that look...you know that look? That look that says 'When are you going to get married? When? Soon? Soon, right? Will it be soon? Are you gay? Don't be gay. Do you want lots of cats? I don't approve. Can I find you a man? That'd make me happy. Make me happy. Do what I say. Come on. I'm not guilt tripping you at all. AT ALL. But make me happy. Do the right thing. Come on. Yes? Come on.' That whole shooting thing might turn into a murder-suicide. Especially given recent events with which I won't bore you but OH MY GOD, is this really the right time for all the marriage talk?! I'M 22. 22! Huh. Never thought I'd use this blog to have that rant.
Anyway I've now been revising for almost two weeks, since the 31st. I think I'm actually going crazy and I cannot make my eyes stop being dry. Oh my gosh and I was listening to music and one of the songs made me cry and my eyes felt like they had splinters wedged in them. Oh good god, that's a disgusting visual. Sorry. Any advice? I do realise that it's pretty much completely my fault, if I start a chapter I can't stop until I've finished it or I just won't ever finish it. This does mean the occasional non-stop two day marathon. Actually, does anyone know how to fix the whole, not being able to finish something you've started if you stop in the middle thing? That'd be really useful also.
The three people who are keeping my head from exploding actually read this blog so I'd just like to take this opportunity to thank you guys, one for talking to me for hours on end so I feel like I'm still part of the world and that there is a world past my sphere of vision, one for the phonecalls and the singing, and the other for replying to my spurious emails with things that make me happy. I love you.
There are puppies on my coaster. Yes. I smile.

Smut.

2009-04-07T11:56:00.008+01:00

I cannot stop talking about sex. I'm not even thinking about sex. I'm thinking about maths and dinosaurs. Ok, I'm lying slightly but genuinely, I do not know what has gone wrong. I'm small and wholesome and lovely and think about flowers and Power Rangers every hour on the hour! Well, no, it's really not that regimented but it's basically true! I seem to have gained the unfortunate superpower of being able to turn almost any statement into a smutty thought, and no, I am not offering to do this (bwahaha!) for any comments you may leave. Unless if it's a really good one *splutter*. No! I! No. Bad bloggers! No filth for you! Did you see that? I subtly alluded to another post. I am a blogging don! (WAHAHARGH. I bet you want to know what that thought was, don't you? I would. Yeah, yeah you do.) It's also, apparently contagious and competitive (STD joke). Thankfully most of my associates (oh god, please forgive me) have been cut off from my filth-disease by way of my communicational embargo. Most. Not all. Speaking of, I have 'Let's Get It On' by Marvin Gaye stuck in my head. This is directly somebody's fault and you know who you are. I give you squinty glarey face. You know the face. And hi...you have email.
I cannot help but blame revision for this. I mean, it's the only possible cause. I was slightly smutty to begin with, this I'll accept *snort* but it's actually at a point where it's ridiculous. I've got to tell you, of all the many possible ways I considered that I might start to lose my marbles (oh my gosh), this did not even cross my radar! Case in point (oh come on), it just occurred to me to check my usually Messenger regulated email. One of my lovely wholesome girlfriends, the sort I usually associate with (I am not laughing. I am not laughing. I am not laughing.), just sent me an adorable forward about motherhood. Now, I'm not usually one to open forwards, the scum of e-mail Earth, only marginally less annoying than the Viagra and Viagra knock-off stuff. Seriously? Who's using these cheap-arse Viagra subsitutes (hands up...other...things...)? But motherhood, right? I couldn't possibly take the piss out of that. So I open this particular forward to prove a point. Wrong wrong wrong wrong, wrong move Tara, your queen is dead and this is checkmate. Mummy and baby wildlife! CUTE! No! Not cute!

SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX.

Oh my god, someone shoot me. I'm not fit for general society. I am the scum of the Earth.

P.S. If anybody who actually knows my live human face reads this post, and it's your first time (Jebus!) here, please, for the love of Jupiter, go back and read some other bits of it. It's not all this traumatising, I swear! Oh and, to my dear blogger friend whose name I will not put into this post for fear of the taint but who commented on my last post about how long his blog posts take in comparison to mine: This, my friend, is why yours take longer. Yours come from your head. *hysteria*

Watch me get down to work.

2009-04-05T12:24:00.007+01:00

How good at concentrating am I?! I've just said goodbye to MSN Messenger and Facebook. Twitter...stares at me sadly from my Google Desktop Bar, it's eyes seem to say 'Tara, I can tell what you're about to do. Don't do it. You need me. You need me in your life. What will you do if you can't know where Stephen Fry is and what he's doing at this exact moment in the middle of a sea somewhere with something adorable and furry and big-eyed. Huh? What will you do Tara? Don't you do this you bitch! I CREATED YOU! I OWN YOUR STUPID SQUARE FACE! I FUC...'*click*, Twitter, is also now, off my radar. Huh, should probably get rid of Wikipedia...right, the bar is gone. The whole bar. I don't need to know where in the world sunlight lives. Damn that's an awesome clock...no, NO. Bad Tara. No sunlight for you. I don't seem to have given up blogging, but it really doesn't take very long, that might explain the calibre of most of my posts (sorry). Unless you're one of the very few genuinely awesome people who I will inevitably email with frantic word gesturing and screams of 'IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE! WHY WON'T IT MAKE SENSE?! MY KINGDOM FOR IT TO MAKE SENSE!' and the eventual realisation that I don't actually have a kingdom to make that trade, here is where the madness will be documented. Will I make it till May 23rd with minimal contact with the outside world? Find out here! And if no-one's inclined to read it, which I will understand, it'll be nice to come back here and watch myself disintegrate. No, I, it'll be nice to watch myself re...integrate afterwards. That's not the word I wanted at all. I just spent the last 5 minutes watching a bee. A bee. It hovered over a flower for 5 minutes. One flower. 5 minutes. I am losing my damn mind. Right, so here it starts. The disintegration. I...that's a big bee. WHOA MOTHER OF! It just collided with the glass. I think it knows I'm talking about it. Good god. You just can't make this shit up. I mean, I guess you could, but it's not a fiction blog. Blog of fiction. Bliction. Flog. Wahahaha...haha. I am a tool. If you are reading this, you rock so hard you make the world shudder. I love you! Huh, that's probably not the best way to steer clear of stalkers. Did I tell you about the kid with the binoculars? I didn't? There was a kid, a teenaged kid, with binoculars, who looked through my window till I gave him the finger. He did it again later and this time dropped his binoculars out of the window. Who has effing binoculars?! The world is SO creepy sometimes! Sigh.
Ok, I am listening to, literally, the most beautiful song I have ever heard. I have tea. There is an unopened easter egg behind my laptop, should I have need of the sugar. There is fruit...yeah, I don't need fruit. All the cuddly toys who usually live in my bed have migrated downstairs for the duration of this, the hell period. I appreciate the support, I really do. Thumper, Theo, Chewie, Jupiter, meet my blog friends. Blog friends, the guys. I have, an evil book, lying in front of me. It seems to demand a flogging, so a flogging is what I will give it. I didn't mean to get all S&M just now, it's just where my mind went. Don't judge me. Or, you know what, why not? The sun is shining upon the blossoms on the plum tree. I want to be outside SO badly. But accordingly to multiple texts I got from my best friend this morning...afternoon...I don't know, time and date have ceased to mean anything, but anyway, I'm not the only one. Turns out, sadism, is built into the United Kingdom's schooling system, Spring, the pre-fruit period of Spring, my favourite part, is owned by revision and the early Summer by exams. Does Jesus mean NOTHING TO THESE PEOPLE?! Like, HELLO! Easter?! Anyway. Check back here to watch me suffer, you know, if that's your kind of thing. Or if you just like hearing about what the squirrels are up to, which dinosaur is my current favourite dinosaur, or want to keep informed of my new procrastinational innovations.
Till...soon, I guess.
xoxoxo

It was either stare at my 'revision hair' in horror or this

2009-04-01T23:53:00.004+01:00

Thursday Thunks

1. Did you play any April Fools jokes on anyone or have a joke played on you?

No. I was SO on alert today because the flying penguins and the Cambodian zombies of yesteryear had me completely fooled. I ain't no sucka. Well, when I try really hard not to be, anyway.

2. If you could be on any non-reality TV show as a guest star or star, which one would it be and why?

Whoa. Probably The Mighty Boosh, I hear it's a hard group to get into. But god, would it be worth it.

3. Do you crack your knuckles?

No. Only by accident against solid things, walls and that.

4. If you remember your first day of kindergarten, were you scared or excited? If you have kids or grandkids, were they scared or excited?

A bit of both. I remember being vaguely sad at my mum leaving me. I had my Donatello (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles) backpack on and the place smelled vaguely of paint and sand. I felt like an adventurer.

5. If you are in the shower, hear the fire alarm going off and smell smoke/see flames, will you just run out of the house with a towel on or grab some clothes & dress as you run out?

Towel. If I tried to dress while running I'd die of falling over (like T-Rex!), and that'd be so embarassing.

6. Last week the Thursday Thunkers asked about your Daddy (twice), so this week tell us a little about your Mom.

She's brave and strong, and determined, loyal, compassionate, generous, overprotective, sensitive, impatient, occasionally dimwitted, quite the hottie in her day, much, much hotter than I could ever hope to be. She's everything good that I am, and some of the bad too. And she's mine. That's...my mum.

7. Which search engine do you use most often?

Yahoo. I like the whimsy.

8. Did you participate in Earth Hour?

No, I forgot.

9. What was the last new-to-you movie you watched? Was it in the theater or on DVD? Was it good?

Watchmen. Um, read the comic.

10. If you do something embarrassing, do you laugh it off, or sit & worry about it?

Laugh it off. Were I to sit and worry about the embarrassing things I do, I'd never have time to do them.

11. Where is your favorite spot in your home to sit & relax?

My bed. The floor. The couch. Window sills. If it's raining, window sill. Otherwise, bed.

I actually don't have time for this.

2009-03-24T22:15:00.007Z

But why let something like the time-space continuum stop me? If I want to be in Tokyo circa 1242 there's where/when I'll be dammit! It's my birthday on Sunday. I'm turning 22 and feeling fairly indifferent towards the whole thing. I usually quite like birthdays so I don't quite know what's happened there. I get the feeling that the salty profusion of economics in my life has taken over most of my excitement centers. That sucks. What's nice though, is that I've gotten my exam timetable, and while it's not the very best it could possibly be, note to self: get timetable a life coach, it represents an end. On May 23rd, I will never have to study economics ever again. On July 18th, I'll never have to think about economics ever again. Fuck the economy, I defy money, I'm going to live on imagination and wit alone. Ugh, fine, maybe I'll have to think about economics sometimes but I'll never again have to actively pursue any deep understanding of its inner engineering. I really like that thought.
In other news, I am now obsessed with Twitter in a big way. I also made a new friend who is awesome and sparkly and talented like a duck with opposable thumbs and fabulous taste in shoes. Amy Studt, who I remember liking for a brief second *checks wiki*, whoa my gosh, like seven years ago, apparently released a new album last year and it's somewhat odd and wonderful. There's a giant cock painted on the roof of a house in Berkshire and a pink elephant (I am not drunk. Yet.) roaming the Okavango Delta in Botswana.
Enough for now, I should catch the next wormhole back to my house in 2009, those assignments aren't going to do themselves. Unless, hmm...where's that duck?

It's so important, that I thought I'd do this first.

2009-03-20T17:40:00.005Z

Despite being in the midst (midst...what a nice word) of an extremely important essay, I saw Avenue Q on Wednesday night and somehow it's striking me as more urgent that I blog about that. Nice to see I have my priorities on straight.
What to say about Avenue Q? First of all, I love it so much I want to feed it cake and take it on rollercoasters. That sets the tone for the rest of the post nicely. I'm aware that the majority of people who might see this are Americans but I'm sure there's enough congruence between the West End and Broadway productions that this'll be somewhat relevant.
Maybe not this bit though. The cast, OH my god, the cast. They were just, awesome beyond awesome. I'm being too lazy to find out their names to tell you about them which is silly and awful but I'm ill and bogged under (is that a real phrase?) so forgive me. One of the coolest things about the cast was that, they managed to switch characters so ridiculously easily. The lady who played Kate Monster and Lucy the Slut had the most incredible voice and managed to voice both characters while both were onstage! Insanity! You could even see her lips moving while holding one puppet and voicing the other! This was actually true of a few of the cast, Princeton/Rod, Trekkie Monster/Nicky/Blue Bad Idea Bear and they all did it insanely well. Obviously they've been doing it for a while and it's their job to be good but even so, dude, like, whoa. Also, Trekkie Monster puppet man was hot, though that's really not the point of this story. The real life characters, had quite the act to compete with, and did an amazing job. You can imagine it'd be hard to be a real person acting alongside puppets and they held their own.
Favourite characters for me have to be the Bad Idea Bears. They had like, a really minor but sort of pivotal role and they're just hilarious. I think a lot of people have friends with a knack for persuading them to do stupid things (I know I do) and the reaction to these bears (pretty much, 'Awww they're so cute, how can we say no?!') was priceless.
Puppet sex. It's....graphic. And loud. Loud enought that it warrants a song, "You Can Be As Loud As The Hell You Want (When You're Makin' Love)". There's just no way to not find this hilarious. Despite the hilarity of all of that I think the thing I found funniest about this scene was the flowerpot being thrown down from a window and someone offstage screaming 'Shut the fuck up!'. Sometimes a line will just be absolute unforgettable perfection, and that was it.
I really really need to get on with my essay, so I'll leave it at, go fucking see Avenue Q, it'll make you really happy.

I thunk, therefore it's Thursday

2009-03-19T19:43:00.003Z

Play here.

1. The last flight of stairs you walked up/down - were the carpeted?

They were in fact, carpeted.

2. Green or purple grapes?

Green.

3. Do you like Peeps?

We don't have these 'Peeps'. I like my 'peeps'. Does that count?

4. The smell of Vicks - like it?

I do actually.

5. Do you put decorative cling-ons on your windows for different holidays?

Decorative Vulcans, are where it's at.

6. Finish the sentence - I spent too much money on ________ .

holiday last year.

7. Which celebrity should be flown into outer space or placed on a desert island?

Jade Goody. I know I'm supposed to be all like, sympathetic and nice about her now that she's sick, but I just can't stand her.

8. Would you support schools changing the "open" time? Such as 10am - 5pm, for example?

No, get it over with.

9. Do you go fishing?

I do not. Do you?

10. What question should we ask next week?

Does Google Streetview scare you? It fucking scares me.

I'll be funnier next time, I swear.

Sad, strange days

2009-03-12T23:17:00.006Z

A phone call after midnight is never a good thing. My uncle passed away yesterday and my mum got on a plane with her brother and sister almost immediately after finding out. It's so distressing to see grownups upset and discombobulated, worse when it's your mother. I had to help her pack. I know that sounds stupid, but, I don't pack, I have no organisational skills whatsoever, and yet, I helped her pack. I think there are certain people, who are your solid ground. The people who keep you still, who are the centre, figuratively, of your world. So when you're watching them fall apart and trying to keep them still, it kind of feels like having the rug pulled out, the world shakes and when it stops everything's a little bit different. I don't like it.
Aside from my own reaction to my uncle's death, which I'm not going to talk about, I'm finding it irksome that so many people feel the need to check up on me. I'm fairly self-sufficient, and while I realise they're just being responsible and caring, at a certain point it's just suffocating. It occurs to me now that one thing that always irked me about the aftermath of someone's death was that it made me feel like a child, completely dwarfed by the enormity of the situation and constantly in the way. I guess some things just don't change.
Where was I going with this? Ah. Procrastination again. My mum, though obviously devastated by his death, was almost more upset by the fact that she had meant to call him and had put it off. It's weird, the little things we either forget, or postpone, that we don't eventually do. I'd like to think that this'll stop me from putting things off, but I know it won't, I know myself too well. Hell, I'm even using this post to procrastinate! I was planning on going to bed like, two hours ago. Right, bed. That's what I'm doing now. Apologies for the massive downer of a post, I will try and incorporate my dream about giant marshmallows into my next one.

Procrastrinatron.

2009-03-08T17:34:00.004Z

Seeing as I'm earning my name as the procrastrinatron, I figured I'd do todays and one from a few weeks ago. I am supposed to be writing my third of a presentation right now. Sad days.

Sunday Stealing: The Random Question Meme

1. How old do you look?

I'm short, and have unruly hair, and therefore get carded pretty much everywhere I go. I'd estimate 17 on a young day and 22 on an old day.

2. Where do you live?

At my house.

3. Are you waiting for something?

Serendipity. Yeah, I know, good luck with that.

4. What’s one pet peeve of yours that is not common?

Northolt. It's a town near my town that I have to drive through frequently, and was apparently, built specifically to make my life a living hell.

5. Do you want/have kids?

No. But I might change my mind, I've been known to do that sometimes.

6. Have you ever thought about converting your religion?

Not so much as converting out of my religion, but I'm fairly certain I'm not allowed to do that...atheist Hindu till I die.

7. Last shocking news you heard?

That thing about the woman who bit the end off her boyfriend's tongue. It reconfirmed my belief in the evil of women.

8. What was the last thing you drank?

Tea.

9. Who do you most look like in your family?

My mum.

10. If you could have something right now, anything, what would it be?

My exams to be in the past.

11. Where does most of your family live?

Too close to me.

12. Where did you grow up?

In a couple of violent crime ridden areas when I was really little (New Cross, Harlesden for those in the know), and then where I am now.

13. Where do you want to go on vacation?

Boone, NC

14. Have you ever had a panic attack?

No.

15. What can’t you wait for?

Ugh, repetitive, sorry, I can't wait for my university life to be over.

16. When’s the last time you told someone you loved him or her and meant it?

My mum, a while ago.

17. Have your parents ever smoked pot?

Probably not. Although I wouldn't know about my dad. I'd like to think so.

18. Want someone back in your life?

Certainly.

19. What do you order at the bar?

JD and coke.

20. When was the last time you cried really, really hard?

A couple of weeks ago, after a really really bad dream.

21. Ever licked someone’s cheek?

Yes, that'd be one of those no-power-on-this-Earth stories, and oddly related to question 22.

22. What is your favorite thing to eat with peanut butter?

Nutella and golden syrup.

23. Where were you on July 4th, 2008?

I distinctly remember asking someone something that day but I don't remember who or what.

24. What are your nicknames?

Tilli =D, Duckie, Duckmeister, Duckworth, Stara, Starla, Cheetara, Compy, Dinonut, Brown Eyed Girl, Titch, Midget, Trouble, Bedhead, Tea Leaf, Annie, Hobo-tramp, Supertramp, Midget-tramp, Superhobotramp, Hobo-Rex, good god, my friends are fucking idiots.

25. If you could go back in time, how far back would you go?

Do I get to come back? If so, back to when dinosaurs were around. If not, then back to this morning when I woke up so I could get my day back. So I could waste it again. And to eat that cupcake again. For a entirely antiproductive day, it's not been a bad one.

Sunday Stealing: The Sassy Meme

1. If you could say anything you wanted to say to George Bush, what would you say?

Pretzel?

2. If you had to be the mother of Britney Spears or Lindsay Lohan, who would you choose and why?

Britney, I would like my child to be vaguely relevant. Eeesh, was that too harsh?

3. You get to be Queen for a day. The kids are all taken care of, and you can spend as much money as you want. What do you do all day?

Firstly, wahaha kids. Buy my mum a giant bungalow. Then I'd probably write/read/draw/sing if I'm perfectly honest. None of that altruistic stuff. Nope. None for me.

4. Is there a song that brings tears to your eyes every time you hear it? If so, which one?

A Place Called Home - Kim Richey, if you've seen the episode of Angel when Fred...well...you know, it's the song playing when she's in the car.

5. A fairy taps you on the shoulder and tells you that you can either have a perfect face or a perfect body for the rest of your life. Which do you choose?

Well now, that explains Jane Fonda. Perfect face, I think. Perfect body's more in my control, and I choose not to have one, as much as I could choose in the future, to change that.

6. If you could live any place in the world and money was no object, where would you live and why?

Probably where I do now actually. It's my home.

7. What is your biggest regret in life?

At 21 I've not really had the time to amass a lot of regrets. I probably haven't gotten drunk enough, or gone out enough.

8. If you could go back and visit one person in your life who is now dead, and ask one question, what would that question be and why would you ask it?

If you had had the choice, would you have stayed? Why, I think, is both self explanatory and a little too personal for this blog.

9. If you had the choice to age forward (like we are now) or aging backwards (think Benjamin Buttons) which would you choose and why?

Forwards, backwards would be ridiculous. You'd meet people your own age and instantly become less cool than they are.

10. What will the epitaph on your headstone say?

There's nothing here, she got cremated, go away, who paid for this piece of redundant crap?

One of my eyelashes just committed suicide.

2009-03-05T03:02:00.004Z

I just wish it had thought to jump further than my iris. It's just gone 3 in the morning, why not meme?

It's Thursday, so Thursday Thunks it is, and as is becoming tradition, watch me fail the first question.

1. This cat- Link- scary or cute?

The very idea that this link could scare me means that I refuse to click it, ever.

2. Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes reproducing again. Good idea or don't care?

Does anyone else think there are too many babies in the world? I mean, everywhere you go, babies here, babies there, babies coming out of shampoo bottles and trees...you'd think there was an army of storks carrying mass produced bundles all over the world to...what do you mean that's not what happens? What are you...please...oh god....oh god please stop...I don't...oh I think I'm going to throw up.

3. Do you smile at strangers when you make eye contact?

I smile at strangers even when I don't make eye contact. Sometimes I smile until they get nervous and walk away. Do you think that's wrong?

4. What percentage of your sarcasm isn't really sarcasm at all?

12.

5. If you were to be a dog breed, which breed would you be?

Cat.

6. Go grab the closest book. Open up to page 27. Whats the 4th sentence?

Elena rushed forward, screaming, and the lizards fled into the darkness.

7. When's the last time someone put one over on you, told you a story that you totally fell for when it wasn't anywhere near true?

See question 2.

8. Ever seen Michael Jackson in person?

Has anyone? I hear he's a myth.

9. Do you have a gut?

I have many. Would you like one?

10. What is one thing in your kitchen you have too many/too much of?

Storage space. It's not a big kitchen, there's just no food. None at all. I'm hungry.

11. Ever had a colon cleansing?

No...no I haven't. Who...wants to know the answer to this? Like, seriously.

Apparently this is what happens when I do a meme while cranky. Sorry.

If only for the sake of procrastinators everywhere...

2009-03-02T15:34:00.011Z

Turns out the best use for this blog is procrastination. Today I'm avoiding revision for a test I have tomorrow. Music meme today from The Music Memoirs.

10 songs that sum up your weekend...or were on your weekend playlist...and one picture that relates back. (oh, and if you feel like it, tell us why you picked the songs you did)

It was actually an interesting weekend for music. Oddly, for me and a friend, music has over the past couple of months, just sucked. Usually, it's all we can talk about. For the past two years we've even been discussing what our hypothetical future band, and all its side projects will be called. But, seriously, music just, died. Then in a twist of fate (I say twist of fate, I mean, idiotic inevitability) my friend sent me this:

Baba Sehgal is an Indian rapper who was famous in the mid 1990s... Since then he has dominated the Indian rap scene with hits such as 'Thanda Thanda Paani' (a remake of "Ice Ice Baby" by Vanilla Ice).

Now, if you're thinking, what the crikey fuck?!, then you'll be in the same boat that we both were. Incidentally, this happened pretty much right after Neil Gaiman replied to a question of mine on Twitter, and since he's like, THE legend, we figure it was him who gave us the music back for purposes of inspiration, good theory, right? Anyway, having listened to it on Youtube, and consequently the original, we found ourselves suddenly transported back to the early 90's, where our childhoods live. On that note, here's ten of the best rediscoveries from Saturday night, and all I've really been listening to since.

1. Two Princes - Spin Doctors (go here for mind blowing incredibleness)

2. Baby, I Love Your Way - Big Mountain (if this dude wasn't miming, hell yeah)

3. Informer - Snow (I still don't understand what he was saying but it rocked anyway)

4. I Swear - All 4 One (I don't let my drunken friend sing this to me in case I join in sober)

5. I Can't Help Falling In Love - UB40 (Sharon Stone was SO hot)

6. Tom's Diner - Suzanne Vega (One of the few female voices I love)

7. Ordinary World - Duran Duran (no words necessary)

8. Over My Shoulder - Mike and the Mechanics (the whistly bit!)

9. Stay - Shakespeares Sister (scary death woman was also hot)

10. Here Comes The Hotstepper - Ini Kamoze (....murderer)

That's by no means an exhaustive list. Other highlights include I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles) by The Proclaimers, Semi-Charmed Life by Third Eye Blind, 7 Seconds by Neneh Cherry and Yossou N'Dour, Counting Blue Cars by Dishwalla and One Week by Barenaked Ladies.

Oh and, in explanation of the picture, I am the live-action incarnation of Calvin and Spyke is my Hobbes. We've discussed this at length and have found no argument against it.

This was fun, and now I guess (sigh), back to revision...

We stole Sunday (though it is, technically, Monday now)

2009-03-02T00:11:00.005Z

I was going to 'allow' the Sunday meme until I saw how much fun it looked to be. Which is why I'm a few minutes late but as Spyke assured me, it's still Sunday where all you Americans are. Sunday Stealing lives here.

1. What is your favorite sit-down restaurant?

I rarely do this, sitting in restaurants, I'm very much more someone who eats at home or outside. That's me, failing the first question.

2. What food could you eat for 2 weeks straight and not get sick of it?

Cheeseburgers, without thought or doubt.

3. Have you ever had anything removed from your body?

Four teeth. Many, many splinters. Some gravel. And an earring that got half stuck in my ear. Ouch.

4. What is the last heavy item you lifted?

My cousin's daughter? Although, she's not technically an item. Umm, my box of crap. It's a box, full of everything I own that doesn't belong elsewhere.

5. Have you ever been knocked unconscious?

Not that I remember...

6. If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?

If it were on the day, sure. I'd like to not feel guilty about spending all the money in my wallet on sweets and cheeseburgers. Also you know, it'd give me the chance to return my library books, give certain people kisses, hugs, phone calls and items. Not before that though. Also, I was thinking about this earlier while reading Sandman instead of doing important work, Death, should be Death from Sandman, for she is awesome, adorable and lovely.

7. If you could change your name, what would you change it to?

I'd probably get rid of my first name, Tara, if I had to change my name in some way, but otherwise I wouldn't.

8. What’s your goal for the year?

Get my fucking degree, then be creative, literally.

9. Last person you hugged?

Ugh, one of my best friends...last...ugh....Friday. I need hugs dammit. No-one should go more than a week without a hug.

10. First place you went this morning?

Bathroom? I haven't left the house today.

11. Do you always answer your phone?

Oh hell no. It is the literal, worst habit that I have and the reason why any of my friends are ever angry with me. I will ignore a ringing phone if I'm not in the mood to talk. I will stare at a ringing phone until it stops ringing. I will bury a ringing phone under layers of crap so it rings more quietly. I am awful and should be slapped. But, (oh Eerie, I'm doing it again), not in public.

12. It’s four in the morning and you get a text message, who is it?

Either (a drunken) Spyke, J, or Sam.

13. If you could change your eye color what would it be?

No! Leave my eyes alone.

14. What’s on your wish list for your birthday?

It's less than a month now. Probably a phone....sigh. Other than that, books! I need books to live! Also! If someone could find me either some socks or girl boxers (or both!) with dinosaurs on them, I'd be immensely grateful and pleased.

15. Does the future make you more nervous or excited?

Both, equally, simultaneously.

16. Do you have any saved texts?

Oh my gosh, no. I have no phone. But it's only occuring to me now that I did have one saved text on my lost phone Morris, from Spyke, in which he angrily stated that I owed him a night out, and which I promised to save till I'd fulfilled the obligation. If it helps, I'm sure Morris still has it, wherever he is.

17. Ever been in a car wreck?

No. Though I am bad at the road crossing.

18. Do you have an accent?

Dude, long story. My accent is in my head, London English. It has however, been mistaken for Irish, Australian, American, Bulgarian, Scottish, German, French, Italian, and countless others I can't remember to list right now. This, I think, comes from my doing accents to amuse people and having all those accents absorb somehow into my own. My favorite thing was when I was working sales and some guy said 'You have a lovely accent, where are you from?' and I said 'Here'. Then he said, in an actual, cartoonish, ridiculous way, 'Whaaaat?'. That 'Whaaaat?' will forever be in my head as a basis for doing his accent.

19. What was the last song to make you cry?

I think it was 'Beside You' by Van Morrison. Or 'Iris' by the Goo Goo Dolls. If I watched 'Pay It Forward' it'd be 'Calling All Angels', because it never fails to get me. Although, last night J sang 'Brown Eyed Girl', also by Van Morrison down the phone and it made me cry with laughter, but I don't think that's what you meant.

20. What did you do last night?

After spending a couple of hours over MSN rediscovering the glory that was the music of the early 90's with Spyke (I do have other friends, it just sounds like I don't), and then spending another hour listening to American Gods on my MP3 player, thankfully, amazingly, I slept.

21. Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom?

Yes. Rock bottom started in October of 2006 and ended in December of 2008. It's hard to get out, it's all steep walls and broken fingernails.

22. Current hate right now?

Eco-fucking-nomics.

23. Met someone who changed your life?

Oh everyone, everyone.

24. How did you bring in the New Year?

With my mum, at home, watching the fireworks on TV, as usual. And as usual, it rocked and I was in bed by 35 past midnight.

25. What song represents you?

Whoa! Ummm, must think. Well, J thinks 'Brown Eyed Girl' which explains the singing. I think.....wow. I suggest either 'Keep Myself Awake' by Black Lamb for obvious reasons, or 'Who's Got A Match?' by Biffy Clyro (I'm a fire and I'll burn burn burn tonight). As I type, Sam calls from across the Atlantic and suggests 'Crazy' by Aerosmith (thanks for that, although I guess I probably deserve it). No! I have the definitive one. 'Tubthumping' by Chumbawamba. Hell yeah.

That last question took WAY too long answer. I have 'Two Princes' by the Spin Doctors stuck in my head, and I suggest you take steps to have the same.

Night, all!

xoxo

There's three! Three!

2009-02-27T05:01:00.006Z

It's 5.01am. I am filled with dismay at the number of times I've told you people what time it is. Especially since it tells you perfectly well at the bottom by itself. Oh well. Since I have nothing to do (I lie, oh how I lie, I have plenty to do, I'd just rather do this, anything, anything to waste some time) I've decided to do three whole memes in one post. I know right, is this even legal?! Has the lack of sleep driven me completely crazy?! I am kidding, but you know, you have the right to call the white coats on me if you think it's really necessary. Or, do you? I don't know. Is 'I thought she'd snapped cause I read her blog and it was insane and everything was spelt incorrectly' a good enough reason to section someone? That was a minor warning by the way, I'm not so good at typing in the early hours. Right! Away we go.

This first one lives here:

If you were wishing on a star right now what would you wish for?

As horribly boring, and easy and selfish as this answer is, I'd wish that I was done with all my exams and that I'd done well enough to get a 2:1. It's not so that I'd get the grade, just that it'd mean I'd be done with university, which I'm looking forward to a whole hell of a lot. Note that I'm hoping to be an Economics grad, and in the current world, it's going to be the pinnacle of useless degree. Even so, it'd mean some semblence of freedom. It'd also mean I'd never have to study again! Which is quite honestly the most awesome thing I can think of. Either that signals a dire lack of imagination or what I think is true, that I have never been so sick of anything as I am of being educated. I sir, am not an academic. Let it stop, oh please, let it stop.

The second: Top 5 "Forget" ful songs...

1. Car Underwater by Armor for Sleep (so forget me...wait, don't, don't forget me, that'd suck)
2. Brown Eyed Girl by Van Morrison (Do you remember when we used to sing, sha la la la....I really don't, I wish I did, it sounds like so much fun)
3. Strange Deja Vu by Dream Theater (or anything really off this album, check it out for it is awesome and creepy)
4. Dreams of Psilocybin by Finch (I wrote it down in blood, never forget my love...wow, that sounds awful out of context)
5. Flightless Bird, American Mouth by Iron and Wine (I'm not sure why, allow you, I don't have to explain myself. I do apologise, I'm all cranky and I've pressed a button that's really messed with my screen display. Hang on, let me fix it. Talk amongst yourselves....do dee do do do...wow, ok that was weird. What was the question? Hang on let me put the song on, I don't remember what I meant by this...yeah I still don't know what I was on about, but it's a gorgeous song so...this is me....defying the meme)

and finally:

1. I'm tired, I'm ill, I need so badly to get some sleep.
2. Why do I have this ink smudge on my hand and not know where it came from?
3. How does this stupid arse Cournot Nash equilibrium work, anyway?
4. Every morning, I put a cross on my countdown of days till the end of term.
5. I consider myself lucky because in about 10 weeks I'll be free of school forever, unless if I fail again, oh my god, what if I fail again?
6. One day we’ll see Stephen Fry say something that's obviously wrong and all my faith in everything will collapse, reducing me to a catatonic wreck.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to QI and Jonathan Ross and sleeping, tomorrow my plans include homework and sleeping and Sunday, I want to sleep...or bake...I haven't quite decided yet! (The exclamation point was not my idea, just, just so you know).

Dude, that was some hardcore memeing. That looks wrong. Is there a verb relating to meme? In other news, I got The Sandman: Endless Nights by Neil Gaiman out of the library on Tuesday night and it was brilliant, I'd recommend it. I haven't read all of Sandman and I think if you haven't read any of it, this'd not be a bad starting point, not much is given away and a couple of the stories (Death and Venice, and The Heart of a Star) are particularly wonderful. It came out a long time after the series ended and I didn't know about it till...well, Tuesday. Now I feel a desperate need to finish Sandman. Guess that's another plan for the summer. I'm so excited!
I should probably end this post here, I'm starting to get that thing where I think I can move the cursor with the power of my mind and that never leads to anything good.

Toodles
xoxo

By Thor and all that is holy/made of cheese, why am I awake?!

2009-02-26T02:24:00.006Z

I actually cannot remember the last time I slept. Anyway, Thursday Thunks, innit?

1. What kind of dryer sheets do you use? I honestly, hand to heart, do not know what a dryer sheet is. Why would you need to put a sheet in your dryer? What if you're drying sheets? Does the drying sheet get jealous of the dryer sheet? Do you see what I did there? Is there a fight of some sort where one pretends to be a ghost and the other pretends to be a ninja? Take a second to think how awesome that would be.
2. How many times a week do you eat out/order in? Eat out like, once/twice a monthish, order in, uber-rarely, maybe at most, once every 3-4 months.
3. What did you do the night of your high school graduation? Yeah, I think in England that's probably Speech Day, which I didn't go to. I could have gone, but I just, didn't want to go back there ever again *twitch*
4. So Octomom is rumored to have been offered a million bucks to do a porno. Would you do it for a million? What's Octomom? Like Aquamom in Entourage? Or like...oh my gosh, you do not want to know what I just thought of. Oh! The octuplets. I quote myself 'That is 6 more children than anyone will ever need'. Am I severely in debt? You know, I really don't think I would.
5. If your child was born with an extra finger or toe, would you have it surgically removed? I think so. Being a kid is hard enough.
6. What was the last movie you saw? Whichever one I saw last, The Messengers or Mirrors.
7. I wanna buy you a dozen roses, what color should they be? You're lying to me now, aren't you Berlene? Pink! But if you wanted to impress me, apple/cherry blossoms on a stick would be the way to do it.
8. You are walking across the street, you are not quite half way when a speeding car comes... you have to run to get out of its way, which direction do you run? Up? It occurs to me that I may be overestimating my ability to jump both high and with accurate estimation of required trajectory. Probably I'd just keep going the way I was going in the first place, turning takes time, it seems logical.
9. Tell us about a time when you were invited over somewhere and had the most awful time. Uhhhh, wow, I really don't think I've ever had an awful time somewhere I was invited. Congratulations go out to all those I've graced with my prescence.
10. You open your front door and there is a box with a puppy in it... what do you do? ''OH MY GOSH, PUPPY!'' would have something to do with it. I'd wonder briefly about the person who'd boxed said puppy. Then I'd try to convince my mum to let me keep it. She'd say no. I'd try harder. She'd say no. Then I'd hide it in my room and take it with me wherever I went and we'd have the most wonderful time with ice cream and snow and thousands of falling cherry blossoms!....Ahem, right, I think we went to a strange place with that one.

If you have a minute and like to read check out Booktin, I have strong feelings that it is on its way to being great.

Huh, I think my brain is melting. Good times.

Ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh.

2009-02-23T23:18:00.005Z

You know it's been one of those days when you sit watching first 90210 (Stop judging me.) and then Oscar highlights with a spoon laden with Nutella (or some store brand variant), peanut butter and golden syrup. That makes it sound like there was only one spoonful, I'm not particularly sure how to make it sound like the truth. I would if I were possessed of more energy, I'm sure. Well, I'm fairly sure. I hate tests. I'll keep this short, I do have a full day of school tomorrow followed by another test on Wednesday. I feel whiney. Ugh. I'll stop. My brain just said 'Chew your face'. How odd. At least it wasn't 'Chew their faces. All their faces'. Why would it be that? What's wrong with me? It's the syrup, isn't it? If I see a trapezoid giraffe I promise I'll at least, try to stop. Gosh, I did have a point when I started this and now I just, cannot remember what it was. Maybe I should just stop writing. Maybe I should delete the post. Oh god, I'm pressing 'publish post' ag...

Well, I was awake, so I thought, why not?

2009-02-22T01:53:00.003Z

As lame as it turned out, this was actually a lot of fun, and I think I'll do it again. This is from Simply Snickers. Oh and, attempting to haiku? Vaguely frustrating.

Her delight fades fast
Watching twirling, coloured light
She would know the truth

His heart glowed through it
While her eyes watched another
He set worlds on fire

Turn your face to see
The mask is only paper
Blank in the brightness

This dance is fleeting
My dear, your love is leaving
The glitter is false

Too soon thrown away
Burnt paper beat burning flame
And now it's too late

Saturday 9: Letting the Sparks Fly

2009-02-21T15:18:00.006Z

1. Where would you go if you wanted to spark your creativity? Outside...anywhere....outside. I don't leave the house nearly as much as I feel I should.
2. What would be one thing that would embarrass you a great deal? You know, up until yesterday, I would have said public failure but after the hilariousness of my spectacular bowling disaster maybe that's something I've gotten over. Now I think, probably getting slapped in public, I don't know why, it's not something I think is likely at all to happen but I feel I'd find it embarrassing.
3. What values did your parents instill in you? Working hard to get what you want, not throwing away food, being compassionate, polite. More interestingly I think, by way of watching mistakes being made, I've learnt not to be walked over, and the importance of having 'pipe dreams'.
4. What’s a fad of your teen years that you remember well? That thing where the girls started wearing skirts over their jeans, I refused to do it on the principle that the entire idea was complete nonsense.
5. What is your favorite breakfast? Heavens. I rarely eat breakfast, I always seem to get caught in a 'sleep or eat' dilemma and truth be told, I'd much rather sleep. You can walk and eat, but walking and sleeping don't really combine well. I want to say a blueberry muffin and a cup of tea, but I can't remember the last time I had that combination for breakfast.
6. What is the best birthday gift that you have received? My best friend got me a bunch of awesome dinosaur stuff for my 21st, including some adorable stuffed animals, a pterosaur glider that actually flies, and a massive book about dinosaurs. That was fairly amazing.
7. What gadget could you not live without? Probably my MP3 player, it gets me through the boring (majority) parts of my life. There's more audio books than actual music on there, I find that if you're being told a story, the mindless things like walking and exercising are a lot more fun. If I could, I'd take it into the shower.
8. Do you collect anything? Not actively but I do keep tickets and receipts and parts of the scenery (rocks, leaves).
9. What website (non-blog) do you regularly visit? Amazon, and *blush* The Kingdom of Loathing.

Go here to play.

Wow, I really should watch what I say here.

2009-02-21T01:07:00.005Z

First I take the Count's name in vain and bring unending rain and electricity demons upon myself. Yesterday I said I barely owned a phone and then today I lost my fabulous, indestructible, 7 year old phone. Now I don't believe in a higher power of any description but what, is the Universe mocking me? Does God read my blog?! Sigh, I guess it really was time to let the poor thing go.
I started today when the doorbell rang and my mum didn't get to the house keys in time to greet the mailman. Is there not a standard period of time they have to wait before deciding not to give you your mail? Then I fell asleep again and woke up at 1 in the afternoon(?!) remembering that I was meant to be at the next Tube station over at 2. Running round the house like a headless chicken lit on fire prompted my mum to say 'If you woke up earlier, you wouldn't have to run like this'. I wonder if you get a big book called 'Annoying things to say to your children when they're in a hurry' when you become a parent. If any of the mums who read my blog on occasion could let me know, it'd be a big help. She did make up for it in sublime fashion by giving me a lift to the Tube station on her way to the shops. Ah, my mum should be given medals.
What I was getting to in a roundabout fashion was what I ate today. Strawberries and cream for lunch, which was odd and delightful (again, medals) then off to Leicester Square with my friend where I got my standard cheeseburger from McDonalds (my name is Tara and I am addicted to cheeseburgers). Five minutes after this burger, we realised my other friend wasn't going to make it in time for the movie we'd planned to see and my friend decided to drop into Burger King for something weird and wonderful called 'Chilli Cheesy bites' or some rearrangement of those words. Anyway, I realised that I was still hungry. This time I got a whole meal and only a completely broken down drinks machine could make me forgo my standard Coke, for a small bottle of orange juice. For some reason the diet and sugar free soft drinks were still readily available. I feel this lends credence to my 'the universe is mocking me' idea. I did want to ask this of you, can you taste sweetener? My mum drinks Diet Coke and this strange instant light hot chocolate called 'Options' which claims to only have 37 calories in a mug and boy, can I taste the lack of calories. She loves it though, and claims it's better than regular hot chocolate because it lacks the bitter edge of actual chocolate. I love my mother but it's things like this that make me wonder if I'm actually her spawn. It's weird, people always give me funny looks when I claim that I can taste the sweetener in diet drinks but I swear, it has this metallic, empty taste that just ruins anything it's in. Right, food, anyway, for dinner, get this, I had three scoops of milk and orange blossom ice cream and a glass of Coke. Now I read that on the menu and thought, wow, London's different than I remember it but on a hunch (my menu hunches are the stuff of legend, I am always right) that's what I had and I'll tell you, it was gorgeous. I absolutely recommend it. So, were you keeping count? Strawberries, cream, burger, bigger burger, fries, orange juice, ice cream, Coke. I should not be allowed out of the house, my food habits are ridiculous.

So what have we learnt today? God reads blogs. Postmen don't wait. My mum is both legendary and insane. Milk and orange blossom ice cream gets the thumbs up. Putting your phone in a shallow coat pocket gets a thumbs down (oh Morris, how I miss you). I am bad with food. Also, bowling, I'm awful at bowling. Sweetener is evil.

There is a hole in one of my socks. Good night.

Dude, where's my sleep?

2009-02-19T05:50:00.013Z

It is 5.50am. I haven't seen this side of 6 in a while, I'll tell you, and mid-reading week, I am not best pleased. I guess though, thinking logically, it'd be worse if it happened when I was doing important school based things, driving, listening and such. Fun, logical thinking at 5.52. Why not? I thought I'd find a meme but I can't quite remember what day it is. I am, as I think this sentence, looking up the day. Right, thank the Count *self-slap* for http://thursdaythunks.blogspot.com/ for being proactive enough to put up todays meme yesterday. No-one else seems to be awake yet, might have something to do with it being various degrees around 1am in the States.

1. What brand & flavor of toothpaste do you use? I think it's some Colgate variation, I'd go and look but...no, I lie, I wouldn't go and look.
2. What is your earliest memory? A really really brightly lit room, I later found out it was a hospital room and no power on this Earth could make me tell you the rest of that story.
3. Hot Dogs or Hamburgers? Cheeseburgers. Gun to my head.....hot dog? Fuck, hamburger. Fuck, this shouldn't be the most difficult question. Hamburger.
4. If you could bring any one famous person back to life, who would it be? Wow. Do I have to? Ummmmm, right, I guess the hot dog/hamburger debate wasn't so hard. I cannot think of a single famous dead person. Right. Hendrix, Mercury, Cobain, Sinatra. Ugh, you'd think that'd get a ball rolling. UMMMMMM. This question isn't specific enough, how long for? Ah you know, Heath Ledger, maybe it'd be the right thing to do.
5. What is one thing we would always find in your fridge... what one thing would we never find? Milk, I think, is a fridge essential, asparagus tastes like a green fart.
6. Did you have to go and look for the answer of #1? I think you already know the answer to that one.
7. What don't watermelons grow on trees? I do not know. Why don't dogs grow on your face?
8. What is something that you own that you should probably just throw in the trash, but you never will? I have a whole bag full of these things, it's full of old movie tickets and train tickets and gig tickets and theatre tickets and rocks. You know, I should probably throw out the rocks.
9. I push you into a room and lock the door. I leave you there for 6 hours. The walls are chalkboards and in the middle of the room there is a box of colored chalk. What will be written/drawn on the walls when I let you out? I will have grown tired of the squeak of chalk on the boards, there will be a picture of a flower powered dinosaur scrawled on the floor. I will be curled up next to it, having passed out from chalk dust inhalation. This will be your fault.
10. When was the last time you changed the oil on your car? Please, I barely own a phone.
11. In your extended family, who has been married the longest? Ack, probably my aunt and uncle. That looks like a fun relationship...
12. Name one thing that is so normal to you now that someone who was your age 50 years ago would think was abnormal. In 1959 a 21 year old would probably consider...ahh, when was the Internet invented? Probably the height and breadth of the Internet, I wager.
13. Have you ever wanted someone or something so bad that it hurt? Yes. Again, no power on this Earth.
14. What do you dip your french fries in? Ketchup or chilli sauce.
15. What was the last picture that you took? It was of a toddler and a baby (both related to me, I wasn't randomly photographing children) sitting side by side on my cousin. I did my best to keep my cousin out of the picture, it was an impossible mission. Adults can really mess up photographs.

For my first attempt at memes, that was fairly awful, I apologise and hope you'll take the earliness of the hour as some sort of excuse.

What else do I want to....right, spent the last two nights watching horror movies. I am SO easily scared that it shoots right past funny into downright ridiculous. It took me almost 3 hours to watch 'Mirrors', a 1 hour and almost 50 minute film that let's be honest, isn't the scariest thing ever committed to film. It was alright, I guess, I feel I may be slightly biased though, considering Jack Bauer's in it. I liked the concepts involved, though the whole, Legion thing may need to be given a break and the possessed thing was just, awfully rendered. Also, I wasn't a fan of the score, it just felt like someone was poking me in the face every time the atmosphere was meant to be ominous saying 'This is meant to be ominous, feel omined'. That was last night. The night before was 'The Messengers' which I'll be biased in favour of again, this time because of Kristen Stewart. Despite being a fairly typical story, I liked it, it was interesting, I cared about the girl, was angered by the parents, thought the kid was creepy and yet positively adorable. The Stewart has a great power of being...I want to say, the eyes, of any story she's the centre of. I wonder why that is. Having discussed it with a friend, I'm in no better position, he thinks it's because she's 'average looking, so people can relate to her, innit?' while I think she's actually very beautiful in that interesting, 'I could stare at her for ages' way that I think is a rare quality in people, especially, I find, in Hollywood. Actually, if you've seen Twilight (I feel my credibility tremble), I feel the same way about its male lead, Robert Pattinson, which made that film a lot more interesting on top of my being hooked by the books (oh the cred, oh how it tumbles). He also, I think, more than being typically pretty (boy pretty, you see?), is interesting to look at, and ah! possibly therefore more interesting to follow on screen, and therefore more engaging and ahhh I see what I was seeing. Oh how exciting! Writing things down helps me organise my thoughts. My thoughts are never organised! Holy Count, I need to calm down. It strikes me that the same is true of Kiefer Sutherland and various actors whose presence will make me more likely to see a film. I like tea. That may signal a new disorganisation of thought, maybe I should just leave it at that. Maybe I should have left it half a post ago. Too late, she's already pressed 'publish po....'.

Ah, internet shopping, ain't that a bitch.

2009-02-18T17:34:00.005Z

When did it become so easy to spend money from my bed? Granted I'm not asleep, or this would be all kinds of weird, but it's been distressing me somewhat that in the past week I've managed to spend a good chunk of change whilst in bed officially 'studying'. I have spent money on something recently, I say recently, I mean about 10 minutes ago, that I wanted to share, it's the one thing I've not had instant buyer's remorse over. http://the1secondfilm.com/producer/10563 Check that shit out! I'm a producer! For once, not one of my little delusions, The 1 Second Film is suprisingly exciting for something I stumbled over whilst trawling Wikipedia. It also excites me that now my producer page points at this place and this page points at my producer page, I feel like I'm creating paradoxes all over the place. Wait, that's not the word I wanted to use at all, is it? Anyway, put simply, I think it's really cool that something so huge and all encompassing can be so personal and vaguely tiny. It's absolutely my kind of thing. It almost makes me want to break into song, oh...oh, there I go...

Sure, now...

2009-02-12T19:42:00.003Z

It's snowing! I just finished university for the week! It's reading week next week! What use is it now?! Not including the whole, snow is beautiful and fun to eat/jump on/play with thing. Ugh. See my face? This is a displeased face. Except the 'it's snowing!' part of my face. That's a happy part. Huh, wow, I need to get some sleep.

When it rains, the electricity cuts out.

2009-02-11T20:07:00.002Z

So it didn't snow...and the electricity demons took out the power only a few minutes before my TV show was about to start. And then, after a fitful night of waiting for the power to come back on, I woke up in the morning and went to university. Good times, good times.

When it rains, it snows.

2009-02-09T18:02:00.004Z

That, at least, is the hope. If it snows tonight in any significant quantity, there may be hope of missing university tomorrow. I swear, when it started snowing erratically last week, I thought, finally, finally there is a benefit to living a 45 minute drive away from university. Days of university missed since that thought on basis of adverse driving conditions: 0. You'd think at 21 the thought first had at 6, 'Please god, please let there be a snow day' would be outgrown or at least, numbed by cynicism. I guess it's something that the thought is now more 'Please, Storm, Thor, Count Von Count or any of the lesser gods, please let there be a snow day'. Having spent the last week listening to my mother bitching about the weather, I've reached the conclusion that the day I see snow and think 'Fuck, there goes my day' is the day I find a cliff to drive myself off. Don't hold me to that, I'm apparently likely to mature with age, at least, that's what they tell me. Then again, I am a 21 year old who last week took many pictures of a spider web hanging off a bin because it'd caught the snow in a pretty way. Ah maturity, we'll see.

Dull life

2009-01-31T13:36:00.003Z

It's been half a month and nothing! I have nothing to write about. Except that I'm making pizza, but who wants to hear about that? Actually there was a little something, having started a new term at school, one of my new lecturers started his first seminar by handing out blank index cards and writing on the board the following;

1. Name
2. Contact details
3. Why did you take this course?
4. What are your three favourite movies?
5. What are your three favourite albums?
6. What are your three favourite books?
7. What would you rather be doing right now?

I must say, you wouldn't think such simple looking questions would be so difficult to answer but good heavens, did I struggle. Of course, I know my name, and my contact details but the rest of it? Ahhhhhhh! I would like to know how other people would answer these questions, so anyone who happens upon this, humour me? I did hand in my index card and immediately regret some of my answers, I wonder if I know myself well enough to write a blog.
Anyways, of infinitely more importance, is a protest rally that my mother is currently at. I have nothing to say about it as of right now, though why I'm not there and what happened will probably be the subject(s) of my next post.
Toodles.

How utterly irksome.

2009-01-15T00:26:00.011Z

I've not ever been as sleepy as I was 30 minutes ago. Now to an insomniac, that's gold dust, that's manna right there. I have taken the liberty of looking up the words 'sleepy', and 'tired' using my handy Dictionary Google Desktop gadget in order to place them here.

'sleepy': ready to fall asleep
'tired': depleted of strength or energy

There's the obvious difference, being sleepy is wonderful, it means you will, given the right conditions, fall asleep. Being tired is another story. I was, 30 minutes ago, sleepy, now I am just tired. It occurs to me now how strange looking 'sleepy' is as a word. But never mind that. Being the master of procrastination that I am, which Twitter will attest to, I was up all night doing 3 pieces of work I've had in the to-do pile since before the Christmas holidays had started, which did get handed in today. Yesterday. Wait. Never mind. Here's the irksome part. Having felt my face was just a tad too dry, I stopped at my chest of drawers for some moisturiser on my way to bed. All was well, it was assumed that having moisturised, a process which takes, only 10-15 seconds, I would be in the place where dreams are born within the next 10-15 minutes. Alas, as you may have guessed, all did not go to plan.
The drawer would not open. This was no case of a slightly sticky drawer, this was 'I AM JAMMED SHUT, AND I SHALL NOT RELENT TILL I AM SATISFIED OF YOUR FORTITUDE, PERSISTENCE, AND NEED FOR MOISTURE'. Now I could have done without the moisturiser, truth be told, I'm rather useless at such feminine things as moisturising and general grooming, my bedhead is an actual bedhead. I was fully aware of the fact that the drawer, whilst stuck and clearly in the need of significant prodding and jostling, would be in the same position tomorrow morning. I was sleepy! Sleepy! I cannot stress the beauty of that word enough. Although it's getting weirder looking each time I use it. Odd that. Resigned to leave the drawer be for the time being, I had resolved to go to bed when suddenly it struck me. That's the drawer that contains the escape hatch. Now let me explain. The escape hatch, consists of my passport and a £10 note (enough to top up my Oyster card from any amount, to enough to get to Heathrow airport, although considering the recent rate hike, I'm no longer sure of that). Basically, alongside my handbag and a full set of clean underwear from the same chest of drawers, this is what I need to leave the country in a panic. Now, think what you may of me for needing such assurance (I know I'm fucking paranoid, stop looking at me like that), I could not even consider going to sleep, when at anytime during the night, a phone call or some assiduous knocking may cause me to have need of these items. Hence began the jostlement. Why is it, that on the one day you have the greatest need for your long metal ruler, it is nowhere on Earth to be found? Having plugged in my flexible-necked desk lamp in the socket closest to the drawer (note to self: buy a torch), I attempted to ascertain which item would need to be moved in order to free the hatch. Imagine a little girl in her pyjamas yawning and attempting to bend the light from an in-hand desk lamp into a small and inconvenient space and you'll have your mental image. Be amused, tomorrow, I'll find it funny too. The width to which the drawer would open would not even take my smallest finger, and being little, I have some little hands. So much for fucking illumination, I resolved to poke around in the drawer with a hanger until something moved enough for the debacle to be over. Epic fail. Only after removing the drawer below, and the drawer to the side (to no avail) and dropping various long, thin implements into the narrow space, did the bottle of mousse which had taken it upon itself to straddle a bottle of toner think to leave its position. What I believe to be the saddest part of the tale is that, even after all the jostling, god that's a weird looking word too, I cannot take credit for the freeing of the hatch. Having sunk with a desperate sigh onto the edge of my bed, like an elf had crawled in there, I heard a small click and and a metallic roll, and the drawer was magically free. Thank the large invisible lord for small invisible creatures. Oh dear elf, if you have taken it as payment, I'll gladly negotiate a trade for something else, please bring back my sleepiness.

Tomorrow will be a hard day.

2009-01-12T21:32:00.002Z

Seeing as this blog's a new thing, I want it to be forward looking, but some things you just can't help but look back on. Tomorrow is the 2 year anniversary of my best friend's death. I remember last year I was all alone and depressed and considering I haven't finished any of my work (fucking procrastination), tomorrow looks to be more of the same. It's weird, when he died it really pained me that he hadn't had the time to make a visible mark on the world, something that, in 70 years time, people'd look back and go, 'yeah, that was Charlie's'. He wasn't really that type of person, he wasn't someone who wanted to scratch his name on walls, or pose for photos, or write down his thoughts, he was someone who just...did things and let them have their effects. He had an effect on me, at least, I like to think so, but everyday that passes when I feel less than spectacular, it irks me more than it should, because I thought back then that any amazing legacy I got to create, would be a little bit his too. I'm only 21, I realise that I have time to create these things that I want to create and make my own mark, and I even realise that I should be living for myself and not someone who's gone but if I was meant to learn anything from this, surely it must be that time is fleeting? I'm older than he was when he died, which is weird beyond belief. So I wonder if maybe I should let that legacy thing go. I don't believe in an afterlife. I think this is it. And I find that a comforting thought. Not because I don't like life, not because I don't think there should be some point to this life but because I think this life is the point. I think this is all we have and that we should make it count. Damn, I wish I would just graduate already and get to do some of these things rather than sitting here blogging about them. Ugh, I could go on and on but I won't. We all have our sad days. And the world continues to turn.

Like a chase scene, there only to make the movie that little bit more interesting

2009-01-09T19:20:00.018Z

Now, I like to think this blog reflects my face...in that, it's supposed to represent some particularly honest facet of myself which only comes out when it thinks no-one's looking. I don't know how effective that idea's going to be, considering how aware I am that the Internet is the most accessible medium the world has. Speaking of, this is what I currently have stuck in my head http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=X0qepOGmlss&feature=related. See that? Awareness of media and complete honesty in one link. I'm also well aware that I may one day get sick of talking to myself and start telling people about this thing. That said, these posts never seem to happen when I'm feeling particularly intelligent, something about odds, I don't know, but maybe that'll diminish the awareness sufficiently that I'll just....talk. My last post agrees with me, Tescapoogle? What. The. Fuck? To the postmobile.

Bumper postage today. Spent all of yesterday in a strange land known only as 'Southall'. You can't even get there using the regular Tube, despite it being somewhere....somewhere in the midst of Greater London. On stepping out of the train station, one is assailed by what can only be described as, a wave of....Asian. Girl Asian. I'm not someone who'd particularly volunteer for any high dose of Asian or girl, so having both of them in such high doses all concentrated in a single high street, that's just, that's not somewhere I want in my mental map of the world. Despite the setting, the day was fairly 'jokes', involving following two of my friends around far too many shops, and culminating in a high speed chase down the street towards the train station trying to get away from two sets of idiots, trying to get my friend's phone number. This bit was really what this post was mainly meant to be about, boys, what the hell? This is now the third high speed chase I've been involved in, why do you do it? I mean, obviously, it's not all of you, it's probably the 0.2% of your number who give you all a bad name. And those of you who do seem to cluster. I guess, similarities between friends and whatever...you've got to have something in common. The first incident yesterday was a couple of guys in a car who went up and down the same street twice and then parked up on a side street in an attempt to intercept us. As much as that was annoying and yet, somehow completely hilarious, it's the second bunch of guys who really irked me. Some things are just creepy. So we're walking somewhat fast up this street, trying to be covert and failing, what with me being incapable of walking down a street without bashing into people and all the hysterical giggling, when we realise that not only are the car guys driving back up the street, there are a couple of guys following us. And actually, vague recognition, dude, these guys have been following us for some distance. I get bashed into from behind by a guy who goes on to collide with an oncoming. Only in Southall, (I lie, there are many other places) can two guys saying sorry to each other be so hilarious. I have stored the accents in my head for future use. Gah,what was I...right, so the bashment guy is walking slightly ahead of us when it suddenly clicks, this guy was walking with the other two earlier, they're friends, and we are effectively, I'll use Stephenie Meyer's word because it's just so apt, being herded. I am an annoyingly calm person in panic worthy situations so while my friends are freaking out, my brain is all cold logic. Finding a shop with a central divide, we head in with the following guys doing their following thing, and we escaped easily, by this time running like only girls in boots in the freezing cold can. It is at this point that the guy (still in front of us) stops and turns around, asking for my friend's number. Why?! Why was that so difficult?! It would have taken all of ten seconds to stop her in the street about a mile! away to ask her the same question without all the chase action and he probably would have gotten a nicer answer. Not a positive one, but a much more pleasant one. Boys, pay attention, I'm not an authority on girl things, quite the opposite really, but as much as I don't know, I do know this. Don't be creepy. Be straightforward. I'm not even asking for honesty. Just a little confidence. From my own experience, a guy who approaches me directly gets a lot more points than one who stares pointedly for long periods of time, expecting me to get the hint, and the staring guy gets a lot more points than the chaser. It's not supposed to be a literal chase! On that note, guys in the friend zone, because having more guy friends than girl friends, I get a lot of 'you're a girl, what do I do here?' questions, my vote is tell her. If you're good enough friends that you're scared of losing the friendship, you're good enough friends that you can get over the awkwardness that admitting your feelings will cause. Also, she'll probably stop telling you about how hot various guys who aren't you are. Again, from experience, it can actually make you better friends.

Well that was an unexpected sidetrack thing. In other news, I have been baking. Below are my versions of blueberry muffins, suprisingly delicious, despite not being poofy like muffins should be, and the pancake that came out shaped like the Enterprise from the top....I guess if you were like, God or something. Not that I do God. Ah the unintentional sacrilege. Speaking of the Enterprise, I quote wiki, 'The first commercial spaceship built by Virgin Galactic will be named the VSS Enterprise in honor of the NCC-1701'. As much as I love Star Trek, and I admit, I do, that feels to me to be a wasted opportunity. You build the first real commercial spaceship and you name it after a fake spaceship? Nuhuh Branson. Now all I can think about is what I would name the fucking spaceship.

Final thing, and I probably will be putting this in every post for a while, because it's amazing, there should be no need for more convincing than this, watch Tropic Thunder. http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=8lf2lH2FfiI. Robert Downey Jr is the king of the world.

Octocat....catopus...Tescappoogle.

2009-01-08T18:27:00.001Z

I feel this may just be a reiteration of a conversation I had this morning but I think it's worth mentioning. Well, about as worth mentioning as anything else I'll say in this blog. I am the only person I am aware of who doesn't use Google as their primary search engine, preferring to use Yahoo! if only for the sake of whimsy. And as some small act of rebellion I assume, for I do feel, slightly, that were Apple and Google (Appoogle....Gapple)to merge, the world would come to some sort of frigid, plastic standstill. Especially if Tesco (Gapplesco, Tescappoogle) was in some way involved. My octocat theory requires a little more information than I have; I need to know what happens when an octopus is dropped from some height. I am of course, not suggesting that you go out and buy an octopus with the express purpose of dropping it from a height, that would be wrong. The octocat theory borrows strongly from the Buttered cat paradox, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buttered_cat_paradox, and from my brain's insistence that one day Google will have a hand in crossing octopuses with cats. Don't ask me why, I can rarely explain the workings(?!) of my mind. Anyway, point being, would a catopus land on its testicles? Tentacles, sorry. My best friend thinks that the word 'land' is inappropriate, choosing to believe that the creature would if anything, splodge. More of a sound in my head, than an action, but he's smarter than me so I accept the critique. I like to think that an octopus would not land right way up, ever, if only because, in my head, that means the catopus would get about 6 inches from the ground, at which point, it'd start spinning, tentacles aflail. Honestly, if I thought my collision with the kitchen door yesterday had any bearing on the quality of my thoughts today, I'd say so. I leave you with this, if a catopus falls in the forest, and no-one's around to hear it, does it make a splodge?

Does majority voting lead to coherent and efficient policy choices? Does your face lead you to suck?

2009-01-08T06:57:00.000Z

I do NOT like economics. What the fuck was I thinking? Here is the plan for the essay (one of three) I had meant to finish before Christmas. Why do I not start these things when I have time?

Define majority voting. Define coherent choice. Define efficient choice. Define Condorcet winner. Define SGHNESLJHNERDKHNERSKIL5HYJRBD. This may not turn out to be the best essay ever written. Just an...inkling.

Does anybody belong to an amateur dramatics society of any sort? There may be only the one sort. Would I enjoy belonging to one? I like making stuff and lying. I feel this qualifies me in some way. My mum makes the best tea in the world. Incidentally, I am awake. Not happy. This wouldn't happen if I didn't so often think, 'well, it's already 3.30am, might as well stay awake till the night'. Ah, it occurs to me that anyone who ever reads this blog will probably be regaled with tales of acute insomnia and the associated narcolepsy. Just, just a warning. Things not to type into Youtube; bloopers, acoustic.
It occurs to me now that what I was thinking, was that economics would likely get me a job that I could do whilst pursuing other more interesting interests. This is blatantly no longer true because a. current state of world affairs b. I do not do good at school c. Ugh, I just don't care enough. I know people do jobs they hate all their lives but good god, HOW?! I honestly, I don't understand. I accept that I may just be showing all the naivety of a overprotected, emotionally immature, only-child student type person but...HOW?! I don't want to be a grownup. It looks to be fairly soul crushing. I like my soul. It's bendy. Bendy.

Maybe he's just taking his boulder for a walk.

2009-01-07T20:47:00.000Z

The Simpsons is fucking depressing on occasion. Have made a wonderful linguistic discovery today, the word, 'meretricious'. My dictionary gadget informs me that it means 'like or relating to a prostitute', amongst other related things. I now feel a dire need to use it in a sentence, preferably out loud. I've had this blog account thing for just over a year now, and having made a New Year's Resolution that compels me to write things, it feels like a smart time to use it. Though, I don't seem to have told anyone that I'm writing it, so...I'm pretty much talking to myself here. Fun. At least now I can watch myself fade, oh so slowly, into obscurity.

Duck life

New blog!

Abandon ship!/The end.

Slutty zombies, sweets and sorries.

The world's stupidest ever blog post.

And then she manages to get herself locked out of her own blog...

Part 1?! The fuuuck?!

Making patterns with words.

Like a pigeon on a stick.

Eep.

#welovetheNHS

Kimber, I say this with love, put the taser DOWN.

Fucking girls.

Raindrops keep falling on my head, should probably go inside, I'm getting wet, la la la la, la...

I very much like the title of this meme.

...leave tonight or live and die this way.

One of my contact lenses has fallen out.

What? Another one? And this one's by a ghost?!

Homorabbit.

I can't think of anything to put here.

Sleeme.

Corsets, chickens, spiders and clowns.

Well, I guess, it sort of worked...

The Experiment.

Here's the bit where I whine like a little bitch.

Zombie.

Shit it.

Awardery!

Friends! Babies! Ladies.

Altercations with the parentlord.

Fucked my shit up Yoda has.

Hmm.

I ACHE!

Yeah I was right, this was an excellent waste of time.

Learning Outcomes

*thunk*

I got a nautical themed pashmina afghan .

Swivel chair.

I like pie.

Smut.

Watch me get down to work.

It was either stare at my 'revision hair' in horror or this

I actually don't have time for this.

It's so important, that I thought I'd do this first.

I thunk, therefore it's Thursday

Sad, strange days

Procrastrinatron.

One of my eyelashes just committed suicide.

If only for the sake of procrastinators everywhere...

We stole Sunday (though it is, technically, Monday now)

There's three! Three!

By Thor and all that is holy/made of cheese, why am I awake?!

Ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh.

Well, I was awake, so I thought, why not?

Saturday 9: Letting the Sparks Fly

Wow, I really should watch what I say here.

Dude, where's my sleep?

Ah, internet shopping, ain't that a bitch.

Sure, now...

When it rains, the electricity cuts out.

When it rains, it snows.

Dull life

How utterly irksome.

Tomorrow will be a hard day.

Like a chase scene, there only to make the movie that little bit more interesting

Octocat....catopus...Tescappoogle.

Does majority voting lead to coherent and efficient policy choices? Does your face lead you to suck?

Maybe he's just taking his boulder for a walk.

thunk