Slutty zombies, sweets and sorries.

The Halloweeney Version of Thursday Thunks

Welcome to the October almost Halloweenth version of Thursday Thunks!

(which we always seem to post on Wednesday)
Where we make you think a little bit before you blog!

We pick a subject, and your job is to interpret it anyway you want. Write about it on your blog... simple as that. Maybe you can interpret it as a picture - we don't care!

Please only leave a link if you have written a Thursday Thunks post. Please mention us in your post, and link back to the blog here.
Don't forget to go visit the other participants' blogs. Read and comment about all their Thursday Thunks! Thats what all this is about afterall, isn't it? We'll have so much fun and become lifelong friends....

This week we will answer some crazy questions brought to you by Berleen, the color Blood red and the number 31.

1. So Halloween is this weekend, if you haven't heard. Are you gonna open your doors up or not?

I'm not actually home, I'm going to a gig dressed as a really hot (read as 'slutty') zombie. I've not yet got my face paint or my artfully ripped clothes so I may just have to go as me. My mum won't open the door though. She's...she's a grownup Asian. They don't believe in fun. (I'm allowed to say this, one day I'LL be this.)

2. You better open 'em cuz I'm coming... what are you putting in my treat bag?

So many cock jokes! I'm currently on a diet. Why for? Who knows. But if I don't get sweeties, YOU don't get sweeties. It's the LAW.

3. Since October is the bestest month for television (well for cable & dish subscribers it is) and there is a horror movie on at any given time of the day - are you sick of them yet?

We've not really got such things happening on this end of the Atlantic, but I could watch crap horror movies till the cows came home so I guess not. Also, when ARE the cows coming home? I told them they were to be home by 4, I'm making a special dinner I said, I told them they'd get into SERIOUS trouble if they came stumbling in late but it's 8.06pm and I'm just sitting here, waiting and blogging. Jesus, cows. JESUS.

4. Which one of those movies can you watch over & over again?

I know it's plebby, but I love the Final Destination movies. I've seen the first three and I think they're really fun. Plus you know, there's always someone hot to perv on and ultimately laugh when they die... Yeah.

5. Tell us about a Halloween scare you've had....

Wasn't it around Halloween when I thought I was pregnant? LOL. I'm so kidding. I AM. God, you're sarky for ages and ages and then no-one believes anything you say. I'M NOT PREGNANT. We don't do enough Halloween stuff over here. It's nowhere near as big a deal over here and I really wish it was.

6. Did you watch the old Casper cartoons when you were a youngin? Well, back then they weren't old I suppose, but I'm sure you still understand my question.

I think they predate me, but I did end up youtubing them a few years ago and the one with the fox is LOVE.

7. Have you ever found a four-leaf clover?

No, but as long as bunnies have feet, we'll be fine.

8. Haunted Houses... you know, the kinds you pay to get in and they chase you with chainsaws and severed heads.... do you like 'em?

Why don't WE HAVE SUCH THINGS? That sounds effing awesome! Although, I am the biggest of fucking wusses, so I'd probably end up being led around by someone with strong arms while I close my eyes so hard that my face goes all wrong.

9. Do you use cute cartoon type wrapping paper for Christmas presents or the not cutesy paper? Or are you one of those gift card and/or gift bag people?

Not cutesy. Either shiny shiny stuff or traditional Christmassy tings. OR Winnie the Pooh with Christmas hats. Wait, scratch all the first stuff, Winnie the Pooh. FOR LIFE. Pooh life.

10. How long do boiled eggs need to stay in the boiling water before they become hard boiled eggs?

5 minutes? I don't know. This sounds like a cooking question. I can oven my pizza and I can mix slightly too strong drinks. I feel these skills will serve me well.

11. Jason is coming in through your front door... Freddy is coming through your back door... zombies are at every window of the house and Norman Bates is calling to invite you to dinner... what do you do?

You know, I'd probably Tweet about it.

12. Did you know that the scariest part of Halloween is giving all of your Reeses Peanut Butter Cups away?

I did know that. I'm so glad I discovered those little cups of love. They make up for the failures in my life.

13a. If you were to play a part of a haunted house (not the ghosts in the attic kind), what would you want to be?

Vampire bride? Vampire commitment phobe? Yes.

13b. Have you ever played a part in a haunted house?

No. Thanks. Now I feel like a LOSER.

14. If Thursday Thunks had a Halloween party, what do you think Kimber & Berleen would come dressed as?

Slutty nurses. For sure.

15. Do you cook a turkey for Thanksgiving?

I didn't. I gives thanks for nothing. What an ingrate...

16. Have you ever read a book that scared the pants off of you?

This'll hurt my credibility in a big way, but Heart Shaped Box by Joe Hill really frightened me. I think it might have been my frame of mind at the time, but I really enjoyed it and it properly scared me.

17. Whats the predicted high temperature for today?

Lemme check. 17° C. Fuck's sake. I was being properly funny for a bit and then you go and ask me actual questions.

18. Have you ever howled at the moon?

Yes. Much times.

19.You are in an alley and a werewolf and a vampire are coming at you - one of them has to win. Which one do you want to bite you?

Vampire. I have enough body hair issues without freaking lycanthropy. Epilating that shit would hurt like a motherfucker. Look! Two swears in a sentence! I am the winner of Thursday Thunks! Yay!!! You have to give me all of the sweets now =)

xoxoxoxoxo

(Sorry for all the whining and lack of memeing. We are working to rectify this.)

The world's stupidest ever blog post.

I'm about to get really emo. Which is sad because let's be honest, I'm generally fucking hilarious. No, really, if whining, whingey girly crap turns you off, don't read this. I wouldn't. I'm going to be ridiculous. Hopefully, in a few hours, I'll see sense and delete it. So you know, take your time checking your blogs.

Those of you who read this blog even semi-regularly know that I don't edit. I'm not good at it. And this is the only place I'm ever completely honest. So here goes it.

I'm writing this post because my life feels messed up beyond repair, and I can't think of a single friend I want to talk to about it. That's a lie. I can't think of any friend who'd want to hear it. My oldest friend, is so entirely horribly busy with his new job that I wouldn't even consider laying this on him. The other person I'd consider talking to about this is...out of bounds right now, and I feel like I may have fucked that friendship up. That's a problem. If I'm only ever honest with one person in my life and I can't even talk to them? What have I been doing with my life? I have people to go out with, people to drink with, people to date if I so wish but no-one to talk to? What kind of a dick does that make me? I'm like, the go-to friend if anyone has a problem but...where do I go? Do doctors have doctors?

Speaking of doctors. It's been brought to my attention, repeatedly over the past year, I guess, that I should consider talking to someone about my mental health. A surprising number of the people who meet and spend any time with me mention the 'bipolar' thing. And like, they're British, they're not supposed to admit that people have mental problems. When I brought this up on Twitter (as you do) someone who's already made a great impact on my life got into great detail with me about it, and recognised a whole bunch of themselves in me. In fact, wait, let me tell you a couple of stories.

One happened just before the weekend. We've had people in the house, building things, painting things, generally making it difficult for me to pee or sleep. Friday morning, we realised that due to some random thing that one of said painters did, our living room door had wedged itself shut. There was nothing particularly important in the room, other than my laptop and the TV. If you can't live without those things for a couple of days, you've got to start worrying a little bit about your life. Anyway, I was fine with it. It was Friday. End of the week! I got PAID on Thursday, first proper payslip ever. I was properly happy, almost giddy and excited. I was seeing friends at the weekend, there wasn't very much bad at all.
Anyway, (bloody hell, are you even still there?), I got home. Still mental, completely giddy, running up and down the stairs, peeing, doing all my 'It's the fucking weekend' type things and then I see the door. Now, I've seen already, it's unavoidable walking into the house. But it suddenly occurs to me, 'wait, there's a door. In MY house. And I can't open it. What. The. Fuck?' It also occurs to me that it's my fault that this door is locked. I went to bed early the night before so my mum pulled it shut, I'm not sure why. Anyway, had I been in the living room she wouldn't have done it. Right, so I start kicking this door. It's solid wood, the 6 and a half foot guy, maybe 20 stone guy who lives in our house couldn't even make it wobble and I, 5 foot, 8 stone of uncoordinated nothing am beating up on this door with everything, literally all the strength I have, completely convinced that I can open it. Anyway, terrified for my health, my mum eventually said 'You can't open it.' I completely broke down, ran up to bed and sobbed into my pillow till it was more snot than...whatever the fuck pillows are made of nowadays, and my throat had closed up. Eventually I went back to try and kick the fucking door down again. This time I was throwing myself bodily at the door, bashing it with my shoulder, three days later I was still bruised, it still hurt like hell. And I couldn't care less, I just NEEDED to open the door. Not to get in, just to open the door. I knew how ridiculous it was, I just couldn't care less.
I went to sleep at about 7.30pm that day and woke up at 9 the next day. I didn't even know humans could sleep that long.

Second incident, literally just ended. My mum picks me up from the train station when I get back from work and it's been pouring with rain all day. Long story short (I know, I know, why didn't I fucking think of that before?)a bunch of leaves got under the bonnet of the car and somehow that made the entire passenger side flood. How? Who knows? Anyway, she got stuck on a side street with a completely misted up car and couldn't see for shit. Again, my fault. What I'd not realised till today is that there's a bus that'd get me almost all the way home in about 15 minutes if I'd just bother to walk a hundred metres. So my poor mum, gets stuck in a wet car for like, an hour and a half in the rain while I'm home talking to the fucking AA (roadside assistance, not the alcoholics). When she got home she got me to sit in the car with the heater on full blast while she got ready for work, and I'll be honest, engine running, seeing the house I'm starting to properly hate right in front of me, more than one time I seriously considered backing up and ramming the car really hard into the house's stupid bastard face.
I'm not going to go any further but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't worried about myself.

How...to end this on a positive note...I don't know how many people who are on Twitter read this blog, I know Chris and now Aaron do, but I hope that at least a couple of others see this bit of the post, having skipped the early bit, obviously. I've gotten through some of the most depressing days with the help of random people on Twitter. And on rough days in the past the people (Bud, Mark) who read this blog have really helped me out. Just acknowledging that I exist would be enough and then you're all really nice to me, comforting and complimentary and generally just, sweet. There's no way of telling you how much I appreciate it, but please know that I do.

This post will self-destruct in 3...2...*boom*.

And then she manages to get herself locked out of her own blog...

What a twat.

Part 1?! The fuuuck?!

One Long Meme (Part One)

Welcome back to Sunday Stealing. Here we will steal all types of memes from every corner of the blogosphere. Our promise to you is that we will work hard to find the most interesting and intelligent memes. You may have heard of the expression, “honor amongst thieves”. In that age-old tradition, we also have our rules. First, we always credit the blog that we stole it from and we will “fess up” to the blog owner where we stole the meme. We also provide a link to the victim's post. (It's our way of saying "Thanks!") We do sometimes edit the original meme, usually to make it more relevant to our global players, to challenge our players, sometimes to select that meme's best questions, or simply to make it less repetitive from either this new meme or recently asked questions from a prior featured meme. Let's go!

Today we ripped this meme off a blogger called Yellow Jacket from Foma. He explains that "I found this clunker on Impetua's blog.". But, it was probably stolen at that blog as well. So, of course, that will be as far as we go. Tracing back our theft's thieves might take some time. Link back to us at Sunday Stealing!

1. The phone rings. Who will it to be?

Who willed it to be? God, or one of the lesser elves, I wager.

2. When shopping at the grocery store, do you return your cart?

I didn't buy it. I ain't no thief. Fuck you and your implications.

3. In a social setting, are you more of a talker or a listener?

Listener. When I talk, eyes widen, fingers twitch and feet move further and further away.

4. Do you take compliments well?

No. I go red. Which, I'm sure you'll understand, is particularly uncomfortable for a brown person. Then I have to run away. You nice fuckers, making me put on shoes and clothes. Damn you all.

5. Do you play Sudoku?

I don't. I never understood the fascination. Even my mum loves it. I thought it'd disappear, like Tamagotchis or yo-yos but the people in my train just keep putting in those numbers. It's like they can't get enough of that data entry. But then, I guess, that's my job, they probably have marketable skills. All together now...*SIGH*.

6. If abandoned alone in the wilderness, would you survive?

Yes. I base this solely on the fact that I fit quite well into small spaces. However, if I had to run away from a bear or a leopard I would die very quickly.

7. Did you ever go to camp as a kid?

No.

8. What was your favorite game as a kid?

Being the pink Power Ranger. PTERODACTYL!

9. If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew she was married, would you?

I'm not officially so inclined but either way, no.

10. Could you date someone with different religious beliefs than you?

I don't know. I think it'd be difficult. Simply because I don't believe in God and the other person by definition, would. I think it'd be too hard.

11. Do you like to pursue or be pursued?

Stop fucking chasing me. It's not funny anymore.

12. Use three words to describe yourself?

I like dinosaurs.

13. Do any songs make you cry?

Quite a few, A Place Called Home by Kim Richey comes to mind.

14. Are you continuing your education?

Fuck no. I continued education and now I'm out. Now I only learn from life.

15. Do you know how to shoot a gun?

No. ...No.

16. Have you ever taken pictures in a photo booth?

Only passport pictures. Nothing fun.

17. How often do you read books?

As often as possible, although I've really gotten into audiobooks over the past year. You can walk around while people tell you stories. It's amazing!

18. Do you think more about the past, present or future?

I don't really...think. Right now though, present. And some future. The past has been weighing on me for far too long, I think it's time to start letting go.

19. What is your favorite children’s book?

There's this Paddington Bear omnibus (how wonderful is that word?)that I particularly love.

20.What color are your eyes?

Brown. I'm fascinating.

21. How tall are you?

Somewhere in between 5'0 and 5'2. I tried to measure myself a couple of times but I kept tripping over the tape and falling down. The universe doesn't want me to know. I'm sure it has its reasons.

22. Where is your dream house located?

I don't have a dream house. This'd be a really difficult question for Barbie.

23. If your house was on fire, what would be the first thing you grabbed?

There's a photo of my mum, my dad and I when I was a baby that hangs on my bedroom wall.

24. When was the last time you were at Olive Garden?

You seem certain that I've been there before, so I guess, in a previous life? Astral projection of some sort? What have you been doing to me in my sleep? I knew I wasn't wearing that dress when I went to bed. Fuck you. Fucking stalker moving me around when I'm unconcious I'm not even a deep sleeper drugging me you've been drugging me haven't you motherfucker.

25. Where was the furthest place you traveled today?

From my bed to the couch. Ah, I sound like a loser.

26. Do you like mustard?

Not particularly. It does that thing where it burns like your nose hairs are on fire in your head? Not into that.

Making patterns with words.

I feel like I've been neglecting everything in the world since starting this temp job of mine. It's not a difficult job by any definition, but the commute and the rigor of actual working hours are (is? I can't figure out the grammar. Help me.) definitely getting to me. I was hoping to get into some sort of pattern, to get used to building my regular life around losing 11 or 12 previously empty hours, since I will probably spend the rest of my life working regular hours while striving toward the 'other things' I want to somehow acheive. Instead I've written nothing, drawn nothing, not really even come up with any ideas for anything , have lost all my muscle tone and haven't even been out with my friends. Also, I'm watching the fucking X-Factor. What the fuck is wrong with me?
The job, as far as I know, ends at the end of this month and after that I go back to doing the odd day of selling to fund my underwear habit.
Anyway, point being, I know you all have jobs or take care of your children which let's be honest, is a full time job. I suck at multi-tasking. Teach thy padawan, how do you do it? I can barely walk and talk. I need help. Help, oh blogverse. Please help.

Like a pigeon on a stick.

1. A 90 year old man's dying wish in South Carolina was to be buried in his car. If you were told tomorrow you have 3 weeks to live, would you have any dying wishes or something special done before you died?

Give all my bits away if they still work and someone needs them. Don't go crazy with the makeup. I'm dead, I'm not ugly. I kind of want to say cover me in Jack and set me on fire but I don't think I really want that, it just sounds really cool. Just whiskey and CCCCCRRRRKKKWWWWSSSHHHHHHH (that's the sound fire makes, innit.).

2. Do you pay for more stuff using a credit/debit card or cold hard cash?

Debit card, I think. I don't have a credit card, I do plan on living my life without one but my plans suck.

3. What's cuter- a baby lizard or a baby snake?

I do not know. Babies frighten me in general, I answer, none of the above, thank you please.

4. You go out to eat by yourself at a restaurant. While waiting for your food do you people watch & eavesdrop on others conversations, read a book, use a laptop or chat with people around you?

I'll probably listen to an audiobook and text Twitter about how much of a loser I feel. God, my life, why...oh why?

5. If you see someone walking around with toilet paper stuck to their shoe, do you tell them or just laugh?

How does this happen? I actually don't understand the physics. I'd probably tell them. I think. I wouldn't laugh. I might pretend not to notice. Ah, indeed, I am British after all, I'd pretend nothing bad was happening and balance a book on my face.

6. You are talking to someone you just met but you can't understand them at all because of their accent. Do you tell them you can't understand them or just smile and nod?

There's a rule, right? You're allowed to ask for three repeats and then you smile and nod. However, what you can do instead, is pretend to be crazy (or actually be crazy, that works too) and then they stop talking very, very quickly. Try it, it's fun.

7. Mudfest! Park filled with pools of mud and an obstacle course of mud. Do you go and play in the mud?

Fuck yeah. What are you, insane? There are people who wouldn't?! Madness. And they call me crazy...

8. Have you ever had a headache so bad it effected your vision?

Yes. Next question.

9. Would you fit in more with the circus, Hollywood, Broadway, or comedy circuit types?

Comedy circuit, innit. Circus has clowns, Hollywood requires makeup and Broadway requires you to speak loudly and pretend things.

I was so sure I could incorporate something about a pigeon into the post. Sigh. For a return to actually blogging this has been pretty lame. I apologise from my mouth. Sunday'll be funnier. I hope. Oh, how I hope.

Eep.

I actually suck at blogging. I love it, but it requires attention and commitment, neither of which I'm good at. I'm trying harder starting...now. Seriously.